Secrets
by jodiexluvsxanime
Summary: ADOPTED BY ECHO UCHIHA! Here he is:  NOTE: I'm redoing my old version
1. Chapter 1

"HEY HEY! THAT HURTS BITCH!" I yell.

"Get over it!" Coal yells back.

"AHH! Get off!" I try pushing her off. "SCARLET! MAKE HER STOP!"

"I'm not apart of this... yet." Scarlet continues to paint her nails.

"Hey!" I roll over. "Time out!"

"Uke, how do expect to get a date when you won't even take the time to brush out your hair?" Coal asks.

"First off: It hurts." I sit up. "Second: WHO SAID I WANTED TO FUCKING DATE IN THE FIRST PLACE!"

"Well you need something to get your mind off of the Naru-verse!" She protests.

"YAOI!" I turn it into a random conversation.

"Yuri!" She joins in.

"Hentai." Scarlet adds laughing.

"Incest!" I huff running out of words.

"You'd want that wouldn't you?" Coal teases.

"Would not! That's the Uchiha's thing!"

"UKE! That's disgusting!" Scarlet shoves me playfully.

Its been a month since we were sent back here, and I was NOT handling it well.

Not only was I bored and constantly missing them, I had one or two nervous breakdowns in the middle of class. .

Coal and Scarlet were ok, but they missed the Uchiha's and there kids...

"Ya know," I start. "I wish there was SOME way to get back to the Naru-verse..."

"Like how?" Coal leans on the couch. "Find some magical way to get back?"

"Your both insane, there IS no way to get back." Scarlet turns a bit red.

"YOU LIE!" Me and Coal chime. "You turned red, now GIVE IT UP... QUIT COPYING ME!"

"You both are idiots..." She mumbles.

"Stop stealing Itachi's words!" I scold.

"Itachi dosen't OWN the words!"

"Yes he does! Just like Sasori owns BRAT!"

"Quit going off topic and tell us!" Coal cuts in.

Scarlet sighs, "Fine... but don't blame me if we land in the wrong spot of the Naru-verse..."

"Ahem."

"Its a ritual. We need: An Akatsuki cloak, a blueberry pie, Coke-the soda, Uke- a map of the Naru-verse, and blood from a virgin."

"Blood from a virgin...?" I question.

"Don't ask, Hidan made the ritual." Scarlet shakes her head.

"No surprise there." Coal shrugs grabbing her Akatsuki cloak from out the closet.

"I've got Coke!" I announce. "The soda!" I grab it out the pantry.

"I'll go print out the map... you guys find the other stuff."

The blueberry pie was easy, finding a virgins blood was NOT so easy.

"I'm not a virgin," Coal shrugs. "I'm with Sasuke."

"I had kids, that's a no-brainer." Scarlet adds. "What about you, Uke?"

I blush, "I'm not a virgin... but I DO know where to get some virgin blood!"

"Where?"

"The anime club at school, most of the chicks there are geeks... which is why we didn't join!" I lie.

"Then go get some." Coal shooes me off.

"Yeah, yeah." I mutter grabbing a knife and going outside.

I walk around the block, the cut the side of my arm, bleeding into the jar i brought.

"I'm such a good liar..." I mutter heading back to the house.

"UKE! Your bleeding!" Scarlet points out.

"Uh, yeah. That anime chick lashed out at me when I accused her of being a virgin, the smacked my hand hich had the knife in it... and... this happened." I lie some more.

Sure there my friends, but I would never admit IT to any one... because that would lad to a secret I'm spose to keep...

"Ok, well at least you got the blood! SCARLET! START ZE RITUAL!" Coal instructs.

"Whaever..."

* * *

We landed in a freaking CYMETARY.


	2. STUPID NOTE!

**Title subject to change**

* * *

"Scarlet." I turn to my red-headed friend. "WHY are we in a fricken CYMETARY!"

"I DON'T KNOW, STOP YELLING AT ME!" She huffs. "It was spose' to take us to the base!"

"Uh, guys..." Coal tries to interupt.

"Well this sure dosen't look like the base! It looks like a million people were buried here!" I huff.

"Guys." Coal tries again.

"WHAT!" Me and Scarlet yell.

"I think this is the base." Coal gestures to the half-crumbling cave.

"NOOOO! OUR STUFF!" I yell running towards the base. "WHYYY!"

"It was just the kitchen and half the living room that got crushed..." Coal sweatdrops.

"WHYYYYYY!" I yell again, now hungry.

Scarlet rubs her head annoyed.

"Watch me do me!" I sing. "Now where the hell is everyone?"

"Uke, that sounds wrong." Coal points out snickering.

"Watch me... do me... OMG your right!" I laugh.

"Who the fuck is there?" A familiar voice slurs.

"Who the fuck is there?" I mock the guy.

"Uke, don't be so rude to-"

"What the fuck are you guys doing here?" Hidan glares.

"Living and breathing." Scarlet shrugs.

"Don't act like such a smart ass."

"Where is everyone?" Coal asks.

I look around curiously.

Everything looked exploded and burnt to a crisp.

"What the fuck happened?" I huff.

"The Konoha nins attacked, along with the Sound, and the Fangirls, and the Sand." Hidan shrugs.

"And what're you doing here?" Coal questions.

"Avoiding the flames."

"Hidan..." I give him the LOOK. "Where is everyone?"

"Either captured or-" Hidan stops talking, catching the two female Uchiah's eyes.

"CAPTURED!" Scarlet exclaims.

I head down into the broken looking rock, looking for something recognizable.

Wihout walking to far, i recognize the kitchen and see a TOUNGE hanging out from between some rocks.

I take a deep breath and push away the rocks.

I reveal a hand.

"O-M-G! DEIDARA! NUUUUU!" I scream, being dramatic.

Coal and Scarlet rush over to me and stare at the hand confused.

"Why're you screaming about Deidara?" Coal questions.

"I FOUND HIS HAND!" I hold it up like a trophy.

"..."

"Hidan... what happened after we left?"

"The fangirls attacked..." He mutters.

Something small clicks in my mind, which makes me run up the broken up steps to Pein's and Konan's room.

I look aruond trying to remember what I came up here for.

"Uke, whats going on in your head?" Scarlet sighs.

Coal was close behind her, panting up the steps.

"I really... don't know..." I mutter sitting on the bed.

I another spark and I'm diving at a trunk.

When I notice it's locked a glare at it and start pulling at it.

"Uke, pulling the lock didn't work at school, it won't work here." Coal pats my head.

"I'm sleepy..." I mutter.

"Don't care." Hidan breaks the lock for me and walks off.

I reach into the trunk and sift through papers, pictures, and other random stuff in here.

"20 bucks says it's Konan's." Scarlet jokes.

I pull out a picture of a baby me and some random boy with blue hair holding me.

I sift through some more and find a lot of pictures of me and that boy.

Then one had the name Sanji written across the back of it.

Then the word "brother" crudely scribbled on the front.

I stick the paper back and head downstairs.

"HIDAN. Where'd you go?" I look around the living room.

_CRASH _

A fucking ROCK comes flying through the window.

"OMG OWWWW!" I yell as it hits my head.

I fall on my butt, rubbing my head.

Coal puts her hands on her hips, "What the hell?"

Scarlet picks up the rock, "Hey look! There's a note on it!"

"That note ATTACKED ME!" I exclaim, poiting to the big bruise forming on my head.

Scarlet rolls her eyes and reads the note outloud, "_We've captured your litte friends."_

"Naw, really? I hadn't noticed." Coal comments.

"_If you want them back, follow these instructions," _

"So cliche," I also comment.

"_If you don't each of your friends and family, will be tortured, then killed!_"

"What KIND of torture?" I let in a few perverted thoughts.

"Shut up, Uke." Scarlet facepalms.

"What? I'm just curious!" I laugh.

* * *

**Ok, sorry it took a while to get this one up. I had no ideas for this chapter. But upcoming chapters are filled with ideas! MWAHAHAHAHA!**


	3. Scary Uke,

**SING TIME! Potential Break Up**

**U: Uke**

**S: Scarlet**

**C: Coal**

* * *

**U: It took to long, it took to long, it took to long for you to call back. And normally i would forget that. Except for the fact it was my birthday. My stupid birthdy!**

**C: I played along, I played along, I played along rolled right off my back! But obviously my armor was cracked. What kinda boyfriend would forget that? Who would forget that! **

**S: The type of guy who dosen't see, what he has until she leaves! Don't let me go cause without me you know your lost! Wise up now or pay the cost! Soon you will know! **

**ALL: You're not livin' till you're livin'  
Livin' with me  
You're not winnin'  
till you're winnin' Winnin' me  
You're not gettin' till you're gettin'  
Gettin' to me  
You're not livin' till you're livin' living for me! **

**U: This is the potential breakup song! **

**S: Our album needs just one!**

**C: Oh baby please...**

**S: Please tell me **

**U: We got along We got along We got along until you did that Now all I want is just my stuff back! **

**C: Do you get that? Let me repeat that I want my stuff back!**

We glance at each other with a satisfied smile.

"I enjoy that song," Scarlet breaks the silence.

We finally get to the area we were spose to be in: Pein's tower thing.

"What's s special about this place?" Coal questions.

"I don't know, maybe they just wanted us o walk far," I sit on a rock and kick off my shoes.

I go to the edge of the tower and look over the Rain village.

Now I get why he comes up here.

A lone fangirl walks up to us, looking slightly annoyed.

"Finally."

"Hey, it only took long cause your stupid note knocked me in the head!" I snap.

She rolls her eyes, "Here are your directions. Fufil them and your friends will be ok, blah-blah. If you don't your friends die, you know how it goes. You watch a lot of movies from _Lifetime._"

Coal takes the paper and looks it over, "Seems easy enough."

"How're are friends doing/" Scarlet questions.

The fangirl shrugs, "Bored, but unhurt for the most part. Tobi almost died."

I glare at the girl, then look over the paper that said what to do, "We're looking for a scepter?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Don't look at me, I'm just a messanger." The girl shrugs walking off.

"Just a quick question," I walk up to her. "What made you be an evil fangirl?"

"..." She gives me a sad look. "I was promised lots of things, only one of which came true so far."

"Which was?"

"Meeting the Akatsuki," She shakes her head. "But there not much fun kept in cages."

"Hmm..." I look to see Scarlet and Coal talking to each other in hushed whispers. "I like you, what's your name."

"Megan."

"Great, I'm Uke." I wave. "C'MON GUYS!"

"Ummm Uke?" Scarlet rubs the back of her head. "I think it's best for you not to come with us..."

"WHAT! Why?" I protest.

"Cause you don't really have much ninja powers." Coal sighs. "I'm sorry to put it that way, but you don't train, your kinda lazy, and... well... we don't want you to get hurt."

I glare at my two and pretty much only friends, "Fine. I'm going home then."

"Home?" Scarlet questions.

"The Akatsuki base." I dash off, jumping from tree to tree.

Tears stinging in my eyes.

_This is no fair... the Akatsuki are my "Family" too..._ _Am I really that useless...? _

When I get to the base, I go to the training grounds and think.

What jitsu's could I do?

"Screw that, I'll just start with the basics." I grumble, now angry.

I do the handsigns to shadow clone jitsu, and end up wih one other clone that lokked slightly deformed.

and by sightly, I ment a lot.

I sigh, "Looks like I've got a lot of work to do,"

~~~(3 days later)~~~

I am thankful I have the Rinnegan, or else this training would've taken MUUUCH longer.

YAY FOR FAST LEANERS!

I start singing under my skin paffendorf happily(which was pretty hard)

This is what I learned: Transformation jitsu, shadow clones, doppelgangers, a weak fire jitsu, and a secret yaoi jitsu I made up. ;)

I rub my eyes and yawn, but quickly snap out of it.

"Now to go find Coal and Scarlet!" I cheer.

But now that I think about it, I had no idea where they were.

I force myself to remember what the paper had said.

* * *

Scarlet and Coal walk through the villagem looking around totally clueless.

"No picture, no description, not even a hint o where the thing is!" Coal mumbles.

"I miss Uke... hoiw do you think she's doing?" Scarlet looks around.

"Better than us."

They enter a hotel.

"Can I get a room for two?" Coal leans on the desk.

The guy just hands her a room key and goes back to his newspaper.

* * *

I gasp, realizing the place.

"The waterfall village..." I mumble. "Next problem, WHERE'S THE WATERFALL VILLAGE!"

I cross my arms and go find a map.

"oooohhhhhh..." I nod my head, looking at the map.

I get my teddy bear back pack and put some important stuff in it.

My laptop with a protective covering, some snacks, map, flashlight, and Ipod.

I slip the thing on, then dash off into the forest.

* * *

~~~(2 days later)~~~

I go around town a bit lost, how to find Scarlet and Coal?

I decieded to do it by word of mouth.

I walk up to a dango shop owner, "I'm looking for 2 girls, one with black long hair in a ponytail. The other with short red hair."

"Haven't seen em." The guy grouches.

I sigh, "Ok, cand can I get 3 dango sticks?"

He nods and hands them to me.

I pay him and go.

I deciede to check the hotels.

Each and every hotel, I ask if they'd seen a girl with long black hair pullde into a ponytail and a girl with short red hair.

I come to the final hotel, discouraged.

"Excuse me, have you seen two girls that look like this?" I hold up my picture on my laptop.

"Maybe I have, maybe I haven't..." He smirks.

I cock my head to the side, "What's that spose to mean? Are you an idiot?"

He glares, "No."

I glare back, grab the colar of his shirt, pull him across the counter, and speak to him in a growly voice, "Have you seen them or not?"

I accidently flash my Rinnegan at him, which caught him of gaurd I guess.

_Those eyes... just like that other guy... could they be related? _

Ok, I don't know where that thought came from.

The guy breaks out in a cold sweat, "Ah, they're in room 4D, 2nd floor."

I let go satisfied, "Thank you."

"D-Do you know of a man named Pein?" He asks nervously.

I give him a sadistic smile, "Yeah, he's my daddy."

He stares stunned as I walk off.

Where did THAT come from? Have I gotten more agressive? ...or is it just some of those genes the teachers at school talked about?

I walk down the hall contemplating this, but deciede to put it off as nothing.

I bang loudly on the door, it was getting late.

"Guess whoo!" I laugh as Scarlet opens the door.

"What're you doing here?" She questions.

"I trained up a bit, then came out here to help you guys." I shrug entering the room.

"Trained?" Coal pops her head up from the bed.

I nod, "Surprising, huh?"

They both nod in agreement.

"I'm strong now! ...kinda..." I clap my hands happily.

"Stronger than Hinata I hope."

"Probaly at her level." I plop down on the bed.

"Well... now what?"

"WE'RE GONNA FIND THAT SCEPTER AND FIND OUR FRIENDS!" I hop up, grab both their hands, and run out the room.

I suddenly run head first into a wall, dropping like a rock.

In the time i was knocked out, I saw Pein give a little version of me a weird looking scepter.

Then the dream ended.

"You ok, Uke?" Coal holds back a snicker.

"Yeah." I shoot up. "Now lets go! I have an idea."

"And what is it?" Coal questions.

"To use my new found skill on people!" I laugh all Hidan-like.

We walk up to this random guy, selling secrets.

I act all nice, "What do you know about a scepter around here?"

"100 dollars." He answers.

"Huh?"

"That secret is a hundred dollars." He rolls his eyes.

"Sooo, what's this new found skill?" Scarlet whispers.

I give a death glare to the guy, he flinches but holds his composure.

"Thats the final price."

I growl, "The final price, eh?"

He gulps.

"Well then, let's see, how bout this: 15 bucks, and I won't go pshyco on your ass."

He stares, "A little girl like you could barely do any damage."

"I'm not a little girl!" I snap making him flinch again. "More like a semi Sranked criminal."

"Semi?"

"Only I ask the questions here!" I snap again. "Now then, are you gonna tell us about the scepter, or do I have to break your arm first?"

His face pales.

"Then I guess it's arm first."

I grab his arm and pull back, my foot on his back to keep him in place.

"AH! Ok oK! The scepter- AH!- is in the big mountain! The one with the star on it!"

"Thanks for your cooperation." I give a sadistic smirk and walk off. "I FOUND IT!" I yell happily.


	4. We got this!

**WTF! Why can't I add a new story!**

* * *

Coal and Scarlet stare at me surprised.

"Where did THAT come from?" Coal asks, her mouth hanging open.

"I dunno, it just showed up last night." I shrug.

"I think some of Pein's persona is getting to you..." Scarlet mumbles.

"Yeah, that's what I thought too, but put it off as nothing." I sigh. "Oh well... let's go get that scepter!"

We race to the big(and only) mountain in the waterfall village.

Splashing through waterfalls, bounding through trees, and in the end, Scarlet is the winner.

"You cheat!" I fume.

"Yeah! Cheater!" Coal fumes with me.

"Let's just get the scepter," Scarlet sighs, rubbing her temples.

We go into the awkwardly placed stairs, walking into the cave.

"I hate stairs!" I yell.

It echoes off the walls.

We come to a room, in the middle of it was a weird scepter thing, surronded by booby traps.

I take a step forward, then jump back as arrows come shooting out at me.

"..." I glance at Scalet. "Well Scarlet, go get it!"

I start doing the Under My Skin Paffendorf distractidely.

http:/www. / watch? v= eti1Spc2SNc&feature =related

"UKE!" Coal scolds me.

"NEEEE!" I cross my arms and pout from my interupted dance.

"Help Scarlet!" She shoves me onto a booby trapped rock.

I scream out and run frantically from the rolling rock, setting off a bunch more booby traps.

Coal laughs at my expression as I come back to the entrance.

Coal runs out, considering i set off most of the stupid traps.

"Your hairds on fire," Scarlet points out.

"AHHH!" I dump water on my head, then glare at Coal as she comes back with the scepter smirking.

"Team work!" Coal yells.

"Baka."

We head off to the next destination: The fangirl base of operations.

~~~(The next morning)~~~

I wave the scepter around all Harry_potter liek.

"Uke, stop that before you do something stupid." Scarlet sighs.

"I WILL GO HARRY POTTER ON YOUR ASS!" I raise the scepter in the air annoyed.

Lightning shoots out of it.

The three of us stare like: O.e WTF?

"So awesome," I finally say.

Coal and Scarlet face palm.

"Seems you fufilled your job," A few fangirls step out the shadows and behind trees.

"STALKERS!" I exclaim.

A blonde walks up to me, "Hand over the scepter,"

"Take us to our friends first!" I huff defiantly.

She glares, but complies.

We walk for awhile, then come to a huge cave.

We enter, walk down some halls, when they stop and open a door.

I walk in curious.

I see the three monsters(Akemi, Mitzumi, and Mizu) in one cage together, everyone else got their own cage.

* * *

**OKi, sorry this one is so short, i want suspense!**


	5. I'm such a good rescuer!

I stare with mixed feelings.

"Guuuys?" I poke Deidara with the scepter.

"What," Deidara glares, sill laying on the floor.

"Don't What me, blondie!" I snap.

"...Uke, un?"

"The one and only!" I whirl the scepter in the air happily. "I feel like Harry POtter! Lativiosa!"

I get stared at by the few fangirls in here, along with my friends and Deidara.

"...what?" I huff, staring back. "Oh, and I found your arm!"

"really, hm?"

"Yup, it was between two rocks." I cross my arms and look around.

"You get so talkative at the weirdest times..." Coal comments.

"So, how do they get out the cages?" Scarlet asks.

"Who said they were?" A fangirl pipes up.

"Baka! You weren't spose to tell them!" A blonde smacks said fangirl.

"My bad...?"

I hold the scepter defensively, "Then your not getting this!"

"Watcha gonna do about hat, hah!" Coal laughs.

"This," Sasori comes out, looking zombie-fied.

His eyes were rolled back, and he looked... off...

Chakra strings attach to Coal and Scarlet.

They struggle for about 5 seconds, before fully going under his power.

"Sasori? WHat's up with you?" I look around, wakwardly holding the staff.

He controls Coal and Scarlet, making them step forward sloppily.

"Coal? Scarlet?" I sigh. "I'm sorry..."

I jump into action as they attack.

Coal blows fire, Scarlet attacks from behind.

Kicking, punching, swimming.

Gosh, it's 3rd grade all over again!

I get thrown on my back.

Coal gets on top of me, trying to slice my neck.

I donkey kick her off, then duck as Scarlet comes at me.

She gets a deep gash on my arm.

I hold my arm close, biting my lip in pain.

I do a roundhouse kick, sneding Scarlet flying into a rock wall, knocking her out.

Coal dives for me, then sudden;y goes limp.

She's unconcious too. '

Sasori glares at me, dropping his cloak.

His puppet body ready to fight.

"Of course..." I mumble, rubbing my arm.

Coal and Scarlet were my perfect match(in fighting)...

I just barely manage to dodge his weird wire with the blade on the edge.

It gets my side, which hurted, like, a lot.

I pick up the scepter, ready to use it(however you do).

He had me up against a wall, staring wide-eyed.

"S-Sasori?"

No answer.

"C'mon Sasori! I know your in there!"

"..." There's a slight spark in his eyes.

"It's me, Uke!"

"Uke...?"

"Yeah! Uke!" I nod my head rapidly.

The spark in his eye disapears, "Uke... must... die..."

"Heyheyhey! Hol don a minute! I'm Uke! Your friend? Scientific tester? Guinea Pig?"

"...Guinea... PIg...?" His fighting figure slowly fades. "Uke?"

"Yeah!" I smirk.

I point the sceper at his neck and zap away.

He gets blown back some.

His collar broke off! Woo!

He sits up slightly dazed.

"SASORI!" I tackle him back down into a hug. "YOUR OK!"

"Huh? Uke?" Sasori let's me hug him for once. "What're you doing here?"

"Saving you guys! But that didn't work out so well, cause you possesed Coal and Scarlet with your chakra strings, which knocked them out!" I huff.

"I'll be taking that scepter now." TL walks up to me.

"Uh, no." I glare.

"Then why'd you come all the way here?" She sneers.

"To get my friends back the hard(and slightly tasty) way!" I get up off of Sasori.

I wave my scepter around boredly.

"H-Hey! Be careful with that thing!" TL backs up some.

"Unlock my friends cages," I keep waving it around, it shoots out a stream of lightning.

TL ducks down in worry, "Never!"

I point it at her,"Why not? I kept my part of the deal?"

She mutters something I couldn't hear.

She unlocks the cages one by one, then comes to me.

"Hand it over,"

"NO!" I hit her over the head with the scepter. "IT'S MINE!"

She rubs her head annoyed, "Your more stubborn than you were 8 years ago," She sneers.

"Oh goody," I roll my eyes. "Get out!"

"I'll get you, Uke... one of these days..." She mutters walking up to me menacingly.

"Don't be a menace," I zap her with the scepter, knocking her out the room.

I run to the three little monsters cage, pulling them out.

They wake up wide-eyed with surprised.

"Uke...?" Mizu stares with her eyes half-closed.

"UKE!" Mitzumi exclaims excited.

"That's my name, don't wear it out!" I joke, setting the three down.

I go to each and every cage, waking them up.

Sasori was still on the floor, looking slightly dazed.

"Hey guys!" I wave happily. "Long time, no see?"

I glomp Pein happily, "I MISSED YOU GUYS SOOOO MUCH! I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT WHEN WE FINALLY GOT BACK HERE! DON'T EVER LEAVE ME AGAIN! NEVER EVER EVER! NONE OF YOU!"

I let go of him and await a reaction.

"Let's get outta here," Is his only reply, basically speaking to all the members.

"Hey! Don't just ignore me like that!" I whine. "I don't even get a Hey Uke?"

"Hey Uke," He smirks.

"Very funny," I cross my arms and pout. "You know what I ment,"

I start grumbling to myself how he dosen't care, didn't miss me.

Just to see how he would react.

He picks me up bridal style and plants a soft kiss on my forehead, "I missed you more than you would think,"

I smirk back at him, "Thanks for the reaction,"

"Ohhhhh gawd, I just had the worst nightmare!" Coal groans. "Uke was TRAINING."

"Ha. Ha, So funny I forgot to laugh," I roll my eyes.

Btw, Kakuzu was holding scepter.

"You mean it wasn't a dream!" Scarlet jokes.

"Noooo!" I turn to Pein. "Don't put me down! I'm to tired to walk!"

He gives me a look, but continues carrying me.

"Let's stop at a hotel soon! I've got research to do!" I annonce.

"Research on what?" Konan turns to me.

"Jitsu's, so I can train- and don't look so surprised!" I huff.

"Wellll, Pein usually has to bribe you to get you to train," Konan shrugs.

We get to the Steam village at about 10pm.

Pein started making me walk halfway here.

I run to the first hotel I see, exaouhsted and ready to be in an actual BED.

"Can we get three rooms?" I run up to the guy.

"Check in's at 12pm." He answers in a gruff voice.

"So? We need a room NOW." i huff.

"Look kid, I don't have time for you." He shrugs.

"But-"

"Go away before I call the ninja corps."

I glare at the guy.

He glances at me, then freezes.

I must admit, it's pretty scary to have a random girl with grey, swirly eyes to walk up to you and give you a detah glare.

"Give. Me. A. Room. Or. I'll. Burn down. All. Of. Them." I speak slow through clenched teeth, so he would understand.

He flinches.

"Call ninja corps. And. I'll. Kill you and all of them," I threaten again.

He writes something down as the rest of my group comes in, watching me curiously.

I hop up on the desk, and give an icy glare to the man.

"Room. NOw." i start making handsigns.

"Ok! OK!" He gives me three room keys.

"Thanks!" I tease, giving him a smile. "Guys! I got the room keys!"

"Rooms, 15, 16, and 17 on the third floor." The man adds.

"What was that?" Itachi questions.

"My threats and glare got better," I pass out room keys.

"One odd girl," Kakuzu comments.

"Noooo, I'm two odd girls Kuzu!" I laugh.

Me, Pein, Konan, Scarlet, and Coal got room 16.

It had one queen bed, two twin beds, a couch that folded out to a bed, a bathroom, and a kicthen.

Rooms 17 and 18 were the same except for the queen bed.

I pull out my laptop and go to NArutopedia.

Then type in Rinnegan on the search box.

_The **Rinnegan** is characterised by a ripple-like pattern around the pupil, with a light purple iris and sclera. It is said to be the most powerful of Great Three Dōjutsu (大三瞳術, Daisan Dōjutsu; Literally meaning "Great Three Eye Techniques"). It was admired as being able to bring forth all ninjutsu. The holder of these eyes can completely master the six nature transformations that form the basis of ninjutsu._

"Meh, this part is boring!" I huff. "Skipping to a new part,"

_The first person to possess the Rinnegan was the Sage of the Six Paths. Because of the Sage's mythical status, many people believed the Rinnegan was only a legend or a mutation.[4] It later showed up in Nagato during his childhood. Two more users of the Rinnegan have showed up, both overly young. _

"WAIT WHAT!" I reread that, then click on the link showing the episodes. "OMG! YOU'VE GOT TO SEE THIS!"

I set the laptop in front of everyone and click play on the episode.

The title comes on screen, _Daddy's little girl. _

I stare in disbelief, "W...We ruined the Naruto world..."

"Ya think so!" Coal huffs with tons of sarcasm.

"We're in the anime!" Scarlet cheers.

"Oh, this is bad," I explain. "If we changed the Naruto world, then there's gonna be some drastic changes! What if- WHAT IF NARUTO DIES!"

"He can't die, he's the main character," Coal rolls her eyes.

"You know what I mean!" I take my laptop back. "But it is pretty awesome to be in the anime..."

"Even though we practically unraveled time?" Scarlet questions.

"Yep, even though we practically unraveled time..." I nod. "WOO-HOO! I LOOK SO EPIC IN THE ANIME!" I cheer.

"Dosen't that make you more of a target?" Konan adds. "Oh, and you get those little fangirls and boys,"

"And fanfics," Scarlet remember's.

"Pairings..." Coal muters.

"Fan flashes!" I laugh. "It can't be THAT bad, can it?"

I check fanfiction, then gasp in horror.

"I'M PAIRED WITH EVERY CHARACTER!"

Coal and Scarlet start cracking up.

"Shut up! At least I'm not doing my best friend!" I snap.

That shuts them up.

Scarlet reads over the fanfic I just clicked.

"Aw, c'mon! Do they not have anyting better to do!"

"I wonder how graphic these things get with you... Uke..." Coal smirks.

"PERV! El PERV! MUCHO PERV!" I cover my ears.

"Hey look! Your even paired with Pein!" Scarlet points out, pointing to a new fanfic.

"Evil fangirls! EVIL!" I pout.

"Stop that! Your gonna destroy Pein and Konan's minds with all your pairing talk!" Coal scolds. "...Hey! there's a whole story dedicating her to be paired with all her family members!"

"... I officially hate fangirls!" I take the computer away, shut it down, and go claim the queen bed.

"This is my bed!" I announce.

"Yeah right," Pein smirks, lifting me up and dropping me on a twin bed.

"Hey!" i huff, getting up to get back on the queen bed.

"Nope," he places his hand on my chest to keep me from moving forward.

"No fair!" I whine. "I want the queen bed! I'm the queen!"

"Yeah right." Coal cracks up laughing.

"Your right, I'd be a horrible queen. I couldn't follow all thoses rules," I mumble.

"You can't even follow the school rules!" Scarlet points out.

"She can't even follow the Naruto rules! And look where it's got her!"

"You mean US!" I correct, laying on a twin bed.

I wake up in the morning, in between Pein and Konan.

What can I say? That twin bed was uncomforable.

When I open my eyes Pein and Konan are staring at me.

"What?" I act like nothing was wrong nor different.

Konan rolls her eyes with a smirk on her face.


	6. contest time!

**ATEENTION! ATEENTION! **

**I, JODIEXLUVSXANIME, WILL BE HOLDING A CONTEST!**

**The theme is Uke and friends! **

**Rules:**

**1) Story must include Uke and at least 2 other friends(Akatsuki, Coal, Scarlet, or kids).**

**2) You must message me the link to your story when your finished.**

**3) Don't copy anything off my story. You can use a setting like Rocktober, or when Uke finds out her parents are Pein and Konan. Or the fangirls.**

**4) Don't make Uke, Coal, or Scarlet seem like they suck.**

**5) Be nice.**

**6) It can be about anything! It can be about anyone. It can be a Yaoi/Hentai/Yuri, it can be a lemon, it can be a lime!**

**7) Follow these rules! (unless they must be broken)**

**Aaannnd, that's pretty much it. **

**Uke: No incest! Noooo! **

**Coal: Ignore her, incest is fine**


	7. Drunk and smart

**Do people still read this story? Review if you do. **

* * *

"Sleeeeepyyyy..." I mumble, walking backwards down the hall.

"What is it with you and walking backwards?" Akemi questions.

"Cause I like to!"

Akemi shrugs back.

Before I could comprehend it, I was falling down a flight a stairs, hit a wall, then fell down the second flight.

And now here I am screaming the words "fuck" and "ow".

Half the members snicker, while the other half help me up.

"Clumsy," Konan sighs. "It's a surprise you survived that fall."

"That's cause I gotta hard head!"

"In more ways than one..." Itachi mumbles.

"What's that spose to mean!"

"It means what it means."

"That dosen't make ANY sense!" I snap.

"Someones in a bad mood..."

"I am not!"

"Hey Uke, un!" Waves his hand in my face.

"WHAT!"

"Where to next, un?"

"...Hmmmm... I'VE GOT A QUESTION!"

"Let's go to a resturaunt!" Coal cuts in.

"Yeah! I'm hungry!" Scarlet adds.

"What about my question!" I protest.

"It can wait!" Coal drags me across the floor.

"I can WALK ya know!"

"Psh, well you sure don't act like it," Scarlet comments. "Your always asking to be carried,"

"She dosen't ASK, she COMMANDS," Coal corrects.

"Shut it Cola!" I huff.

"Cola?"

"Yep, another word for Coal."

"That dosen' even make sense..."

I bounce into the nearest restuaraunt, "Table for... onetwothreefour... sixteen! and we need it now!"

After a 5 minute wait, they have a table set up for us.

"Pein. Konan." I look at them seriously.

Serious face! - -.-

"Yeah Uke?" Konan sips her drink.

"Whoes Sanji?"

Cue spit take.

"Wh-Where did you see that name?" Konan mutters.

" A picture... that was in a trunk..."

"Did that trunk happened to be LOCKED."

"uh... no...?"

"Uke!"

"Konan!"

Konan sighs, "Sanji's your older brother."

My turn for a spit take, "I'M OUT NUMBERED!"

Akemi laughs at me, "So, where is this brother?"

"Your out numbered?" Sasuke raises an eye brow.

"There's more guys than girls now!" I clonk my head down on the table.

"Don't worry, Uke." Scarlet snickers. "It'll be fine."

"No it won't!" I suddenly perk up. "Hey hey! Is he like, Pein, Konan, or Me?"

"I... can't remember..." Pein mutters.

"Bad dad!" I snap. "How dare you not remember! Where's he at?"

"Still don't remember..."

"How dare you!"

"Uke..." He glances around. "Your causing a scene..."

"Am not!"

"Yes you are."

"Well then." I glance around. "We're gonna go find Sanji!"

"Why?"

"Cause he's your god forsaken son!"

"And...?"

"You are just bad with first borns, aren't you?"

"What's that spose to mean?"

"It means what it means."

"That's MY line." Itachi cuts in.

We eat... with the help of me urging people to eat faster.

"LET'S GO!" I shove everyone out the restraunt, leave the money on the table, and get the hell outta there.

"Baka, do you even know where your going?" Kisame comments.

"I dunno, I'm just trying it my way..." I mutter. "Lemme see that scepter..."

"Um." Kakuzu looks away sheepishly.

"Ka-Ku-Zu." I whip around. "Where's the scepter?"

"I sold it to pay for breakfast..."

"Wha-! I WENT THROUGH HELL FOR THAT THING AND YOU JUST SELL IT!" I snap.

"yes."

"Well go get it!"

"He's over in Konoha by now..."

"Wha... TO KONOHA!" I stomp off, leading the way.

"Part 2 to Uke's wild adventures!" Coal jokes.

"Hell yeah it is!" I laugh at her.

"Uke, this is insane." Pein comments.

"Why's that?" I fall back some.

"Well first off, you've got us going the wrong way." Pein stops walking.

"Um..." I turn on my heel and point to a different direction. "This way?"

"mm-mm." He shakes his head no.

"Thhhat way?" Point.

"Nope."

"Uh... that way?"

"Nope."

"Um... uh... New mission! Pein leads the way to the nearest bar!" I clap.

"Bar?"

"I do my best thinking wasted."

Pein stares.

"Strange ain't it? Now LEAD!" I huff.

"Ordered around by my daughter... not on my to-do list..." Pein mutters, leading the way.

"Hehehe, sorry." I rub my head sheepishly, then follow close behind.

"TEAM SASUKE BITCH!" I throw a bottle at Coal, missing by a mile.

"TEAM NARUTO!" Coal swings her invisible sword.

"SCREW BOTH OF THEM! TEAM SAKURA!" Scarlet jumps in between.

"You'd wuv to screw them both, eh?" I tease.

"Shut up!"

"Oh oh oh! Team Uke!" I bounce up and down.

"Are they... serious, hm?" Deidara stares, nursing his own beer.

"Weren't we spose to be on a mission?" Itachi smirks amused.

"GAH! IT BURNS! THIS DRINK BURNS!" Coal drops the bottle.

"What a waste of a good drink," Hidan mutters.

I laugh at Coal's burning drink, tripping over Scarlet's out-stretched foot.

"I'M A SURVIVOR!" Coal sings.

"I'M GONNA MAKE IT!" Scarlet joins.

"I'M A SURVIVOR YOUR A SURVIVOR! UKE SURVIVES ALL CAUSE SHES A SURVIVOR!" I trip again, dropping my drink. "NUUUUU!"

I could hear audible laughs coming from different members.

"UKE LUVS DEIDARA!" Scarlet and Coal chimes.

"LIARS!" I turn to Konan. "Hey Koooooonan! I just relized sumthin! What's his face would probaly be the laaaaaaast place you'd look! right! RIGHT!" I shout at her. "THAT MEANS HE'S IN LIKE, A SMALL VILLAGE WITH HOT CHICKS!"

"What makes you think that?" Konan pats my head.

"CUZ HE'S A FUCKING GUY! UNLESS HE'S GAY! HE'D BE WITH A GROUP OF GUYS! RAHAHAHAHAH!I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING!"

"WHat exactly?"

"YOU AND PEIN HAD SEX TO MAKE YOUR THREE CHILDREN!"

"O...k..." Konan looks away.

"Ko-KONAN! I LUUUUUUV YOU! I LUV YOU THIIIISSS MUCH- HIC-AND MAAAN, YOUR SO QUIET!"

"I think Akemi wants to talk to you," Konan ducks out of my plane of sight.

"AKEMI!" I wobble around before tripping for the last time and passing out. "EHHH LITTLE shawty...,.."

I woke up with a hugge headache.

"Wah, my head hurts!" I whine.


	8. And we're off!

**Pronounciation:**

Katana= Kuh-tan-ah  
Akemi= Uh-key-me  
Mitzumi= Mittz-umi  
Mizu= Me-zoo  


* * *

We set off once again, this time in any direction.

"Hmmm... Think Uke!" I huff. "Think!"

"This is insane, hm." Deidara huffs. "You don't even kno where-"

"IDEA!" I whip around.

"That was fast, hm."

"Knock me out!"

"And there it goes, hm." Deidara sighs.

"Aww, was it to much for your little blonde brain to handle?" l tease.

"Oh shut up."

"You should croos-dress! No one'd tell the difference!"

"Shut up, Uke hm!"

"You sound funny when your mad."

"I do not, hm!"

"The whole speech impediment kills the scaryness of it all,"

"Uke!" Deidara growls.

"Dei and Danna sitting in a tree, doing something they shouldn't be!"

Deidara reaches the end of his line, knocking lights out with a single punch.

"You carry her," A group of voices chime.

/"Sanji!" Little me bounces up to the blue haired boy.  
"What, Katana?" He sighs. "You've been calling my name every 5 minutes."  
"Can we go to the park?"  
"No."  
"Wh-Why?" I give him puppy dog eyes.  
"Because I'm busy training."  
"Your always training!" Little me whines. "You never play with me!"  
"Get over it. To be a great ninja is to train."  
"I hate you!" Mini-Me stomps off.  
"Just a few more years... Then it's Steam village for me..." Sanji mutters.

Later on, I was standing with a bunch of kunai's, staring at a target.  
"Umm..." I turn it around in my hand, clueless.  
I throw it at the target, missing by a few inches.  
Sanji comes up behind me, "Hey Katana, wanna play?"  
"Can't. Busy training." Mini-Me spites. "I can almost hit the target,"  
I see a shadowy figure out in the woods.  
"Hey! Who're you?" I jog towards it.  
"Katana!" Sanji runs after me.  
I see a guy with really big hair and red eyes. A mask with flame design.  
"Woah..." Mini-Me realizes how big the guy is.  
"What did I say about running up to strangers?" Sanji scolds, picking Mini-Me up./

My eyes fly open, plans forming in my head.

"Steam Village..." I mutter.

"Huh?" Deidara glances down at me.

"We gotta get to the Steam Village!" I say with more urgnecy. "He's there! I just know it!"

"The fuck, hm?" Deidara drops me.

"Which way to Steam?" I look around for some help.

"That way." Everyone points to the West.

"LET'S GO!" I run, leading the way.

There's a few groans at my sudden burst of energy.

~~~~~~~~~~

We get to Steam in 2 days, out of breath and tired.

I lean on a buidling, struggling to catch my breath.

"How hard *huff* could it be?" I glance around the packed town.

"To find a *huff huff* a blue-haired guy?" Coal hunches over, looking like a fish needing air.

"Pretty hard." Pein looks around annoyed. "Split up."

"I CHOOSE AKEMI!" I use a gasp of air to shout out.

I grab his arm and pull him through town.

I snatch someones water bottle and chug it down.

"Hey..." The guy mutters.

I just keep walking, scanning the crowds for Sanji.

I go up to a group of girls.

"Is that your brother?" one asks. "He's sooo cute!"

"We lost our older brother!" Akemi explains.

"Aww! Oh no!" Some other chick comments.

"He's got blue hair, green eyes."

"His names' Sanji!"

"You mean Sanji- THE SANJI- is your brother?" One girl gapes.

"Yeah...?"

The run off squealing like a bunch of 2nd graders.

"I think... I have an idea..." I mutter. "This was just to easy."

I walk into the nearest bar, walking towards the back.

There I see the blue-haired brother, sitting in a chair, a girl in his lap.

"Wait your turn!" She hisses.

"Shut up." Akemi snaps.

I walk up to Sanji, "You need to come with me."

"Why?" He wrinkles his eyebrows.

"Because I fucking said so!"

"Yeah yeah. Lemme finish up." Sanji huffs.

"NO!" Me and Akemi shove the girl away.

"Your coming right now!" Akemi grabs an arm and pulls.

"Help! Someone call security!" Sanji yells out.

We manage to get him out the bar.

"Would you just calm down for a second?" I huff.

"What do you want?" Sanji snaps at me.

"Well NII-SAN." I tease. "I just thought you'd want to help out your family!"

"Don't call me that. My family... Your not one of them,"

"Yes I am!"

"Prove it."

"If I wasn't Pein's daughter, I couldn't do THIS." I turn on my Rinnegan and give him a smug look.

"No way," Sanji shakes his head. "Katana got lost in the other world."

"Just c'mon," I pull him through the crowds.

I find the Akatsuki at a restraunt.

"How unhelpful are you guys!" I whine. "STOP RUNNING OFF!" I turn to Sanji, pulling him into the restraunt.

"This is insane... please tell me those aren't the two Uchiha girls that went missing..." Sanji sighs.

"It is. And I'm your sister. And that's your brother. And that's your dad. And that's your mom," I point to each corresponding person.

"Oh god..."

"What? You should be happy!" I pout. "Smiiile. Or at least smirk."

Sanji raises his eyebrows high, probably surprised.

Snickers go across the table.

"Don't ignore me!"

Silence.

"Stupid fish looking bastard," I grumble. "No offense, Kisame!"

"Well... I guess I'll be going," Sanji mutters.

"Oh no you don't," I grab his arm. "Your coming back home with us."

"But-"

"PEIN! YOUR SONS A WHORE!" I announce. "He's got girls calling him The Sanji! And he had some floozy in his lap when I walked in! That bitch hissed at me, like I'd wanna turn! And-"

"Whore is an offensive term, Katana." Sanji mutters.

"Who...?" I cock my head to the side.

"We call her... Uke... Now," Pein mutters.

"...Uke?" Sanji mutters.

"What!" I huff annoyed. "Either way, you can come the hard way or the easy way."

"Bye Uke and friends and family... But I'm never coming back." Sanji turns on his heel and leaves.

"That son of a bitch..." I growl.

"Language!" Scarlet pops my head.

"Ow bitch!"

"Fuck yeah!" Akemi calls out.

"Kick her ass!" Mitzumi cheers.

"Knock that bitch out!" Mitzumi adds.

Scarlet glares daggers at me.

"...My bad?" I rub my head sheepishly.


	9. Your coming with us

"He's coming back with us." I glare at no one in particular.

"Uke, you can't force him." Konan sighs.

"I won't." I assure. "I'll use B.A.D.A.S.S."

"Badass?"

"Yeah, Beg, Annoy, Drink, Ask, Scream, So threaten."

"What's with the last part?"

"I wanted it to spell something." I shrug. "Now to commence begging!"

I dash out the room to that same bar.

"Sanjiiiii!" I whine. "Please come back with us!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please."

And this went back and forth for awhile, getting louder each time.

I stomp off, rejected.

I stand outside and wait for the next girl to come in.

I wait five minutes and barge in.

"Nii-san! Mom says don't forget to put your medicine on 'down there' ok?" I tease.

The girl looks appalled and dashes away.

"Uke..." He growls dangerously.

I walk out and wait for the next girl.

"Don't go in there!" I warn. "He's one of those S and M's! And he has a rash down there!"

She squeals and runs away.

I follow the next girl in.

"What do you want Uke." Sanji growls.

"Nothin" I shrug.

"D-Did you say Uke?" The girl stutters.

"That's my name, don't wear it out." I shrug again.

"Y-Your the one who threatened to kill my uncle! Y-Your related to that guy, Pein!"

"So is he," I mutter, pointing at Sanji.

That girl screams and runs out.

I burst out laughing, "I didn't even plan that one!"

You could almost see the steam coming out his ears.

"Awww, did big brother wanna get layed tonight?" I tease. "I don't think so."

"Get. Out."

"Not until you come back with us!"

"No."

"C'MON!"

~~~~~~~~~

"We're still negotiating!" I snap at Coal.

"Well then." She chuckles. "I'll just watch."

"What if I offered you..."

"There's nothing you could offer me, Uke!" Sanji snaps.

"What if I offered you a limitless supply of hot girls?" I smirk.

He takes this into consideration for TEN MINUTES.

"Ok fine, I'll come with you," He growls. "You ruined my life here. Gossip spreads like a disease here."

"And now everyone thinks you have a rash 'down there' haha!" I lead the way back to the hotel.

They stare in shock.

"She actually did it..." Hidan mutters.

"Haha! Never go against Uke!" I pump my fist in the air. "And he did it for whores."

"From where, Uke." Pein stares slightly annoyed.

"The fangirls base of operations." I say like it was the easiest things in the world. "Or I could bring some from our world,"

Pein shakes his head, "Not a single one turned out normal..."

"I turned out normal!" Akemi waves his hand.

"Barely."

"Aww, don't be so mean." I tease. "You love my weirdness!"

"Hm."

"And if you don't you could always try for a fourth! Perferably a girl..." I smirk.

"Uke, you know damn well they can't control the gender." Scarlet scolds.

"It's worth a TRY!"

"What if it's a boy."

"He's going to the fangirls."

People stare at me in shock.

"I was kidding." I roll my eyes. "Sheesh."

"Third part of business, we need a new base." Kakuzu adds.

"Why don't we just repair the old one? No one would expect us to go BACK." I huff. "I grew quite fond of that place..."

"Uke can't hit a target." Coal says outta nowhere.

"Shhh! They weren't spose to know!" I snap.

"But it's true." Scarlet picks sides.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

The walk back to the base was a long one.

Sanji kept ignoring me.

Deidara and Hidan placed bets.

The Uchiha's 'Hn'-ed.

But we finally make it back in one piece.

"Base!" I hug the unbroken part of the base. "I missed you so much! I'll never leave you again!"

The other Akatsuki pile into the base except my part of the family who was catching Sanji up.

"She really... Loves the base." Konan pries me off the base. "A lot."

"It's like a cousin to me! It holds all my stuff!" I let myself be dragged.

"Weirdo." Sanji rolls his eyes.

"I'd rather be a weirdo than a whore." I chime.

"Shut up, Miss. My-Name-Is-A-Sex-Term!" He snaps back.

"Well then!" I gasp. "My name's unique and PRETTYFUL! Yours is just... A rip off from One Piece!"

"Oooooo! Burn!" Coal pops her head into view.

"Prettyful? Were you dropped on your head as a baby?" Sanji rolls his eyes. "No wait. You were."

"Wait what!" I turn to Pein and Konan. "You dropped me on my head!"

Konan turns to Pein glaring, "...When...?"

"When she was 3..."

"How."

"Trying to give her a bath."

"Pein!" Konan throws her hands up. "You could've killed her!"

"It wasn't that bad." Pein rolls his eyes.

"Whaddya mean? The tub was more blood than water," Sanji comments.

"SHUT UP Sanji." Pein glares.

"Ok! Ok!" Sanji chuckles.

"What'd you do about it! How did I not notice!" Konan stares at my head.

"She had thick hair... All it needed was a few stitches." Pein shrugs again. "But no harm was done, right?"

Konan spreads my hair apart, and sure enough, there were pink lines where the stitches were.

"No harm?" Konan rolls her eyes. "She's got the shortest attention span in history, a hair issue, clumsy, runs into everything, and has a horrible memory and you call that FINE."

"Yep." Pein starts walking off.

"I'm not THAT bad." I start walking backwards.

I fall backwards into the base, "OWWWWW!"

"On top of that, she did most of the damage herself." Pein puts me back on my feet and looks at the bases damage.

"I HAVE AN IDEA FOR AN ENTRANCE!" I shoot up. "We'll need a ladder, something soft to land on, stone, glue, gloves, and a door!"

"What about the kitchen and other half of the living room?" Itachi gestures to everything.

"Ummm... Well..." I cross my eyes. "Why do I have to do all the thinking around here? I'm making the entrance and that's final!"

"What're you? My mom?"

"Maaaaybe." I laugh.

"That'd be kinda weird." Itachi mutters.

"Good." I put my hands on my hips.

"So, Uke." Sanji glances at me. "Where's my whores?"

"yeah yeah, don't rush me bruh." I wave my hand in his direction. "We gotta fix the base first!"

"Uke, hm?" Deidara taps on my head.

"Yeah?"

"Your foots on fire, hm."

I look down, and sure nough, it is.

I scream and run around like and idiot.

"Fucking bicth!" I growl, holding my burnt foot. "Now I need a new shoe..."

"Baka." Sasuke comments.

"Shut up!"

"Make me."

I take a deep breath, "KARIN, SASUKE SAYS HE LOOOOVES YOU! HE SAYS SCREW COAL!"

I can hear and audible squeal from the other side of the base.

"Son of a bitch." Sasuke glares.

There"s a loud thump as Sasuke hit the ground with Karin.

I'll spare you the details.

"Haha, I got him to shut up!" I cheer.

I could feel someone glaring FLAIMING DAGGERS at me from behind.

I turn around and see a very angry Coal.

"Ooohhh... Hey Coal?" I hide behind the couch.

Sanji gives me a weird look.

"What?" I glare.

"Why're you hiding from her?"

"It's a complicated relationship."

"..."

"Hey you! Blue-haired dick!" Hidan calls out. "How long did you last with Uke?"

"He got up to the A in BADDASS." I laugh quietly.

"Weak. I at least got up to the second A,"

"Kisame!" I whine. "Please Kisame!"

"No."

"Kisammeee!"

"No."

"C'mon Kisame? Pleeaaase?"

"Go away, Uke."

"Kisame Kisame Kisame Kisame Kis-"

"SHUT UP!"

"-same...?" Kisame, C'mon! Pleeeaaaaaassssseeee!"

"No."

"I'll buy you a drink?"

"A drink?"

"I'll get you as many drinks as you want!"

"Nope."

"Hey Kisame, can you come pick strawberries with me?"

"I said no."

"Why?"

"Cause there aren't any strawberry fields near by."

"LAZY." I stomp off.

"See? Even Kisame got farther than you!" Hidan sniggers.

"Oh shut up. I left cause she pushed away every girl that came in." Sanji grumbles.

"You know you love me!" I check on our recording studio. "Woohhooo! It's still in one piece!"

"What is?" Itachi glances up.

"Our recording studio... Hey! Who taped over my Ramen Song!" I snap.

Coal presses play and listens.

"We're gonna KILL you! Cause your music SU-UCKS! Andd we could kick your ASS in a DANCE OFF and a MUSIC-OFF. so FUCK YOU FOR EATING MASTER!"

I burst out laughing, "Th-That music- HAHAA- is a lie!"


	10. I SCURED!

"YOU!" Coal yells.

"I wanna take you to a gay bar!" I sing. "I wanna take you to a gay bar! i wanna take you to a gay bar! gay bar! gay bar!"

Hidan and Kakuzu stare at me.

"What?"

"What... the fuck?" Hidan's eyebrow twicthes.

"SHUT UP!" I turn on my heel to walk away, which fails horribly, cause I trip on a rock.

There's a silnece of exactly 3 seconds.

"FUCK YOU MOTHER FUCKING ROCK! AGH! IMMA FIND A BIGGER ROCK AND IMMA SMASH YOU WITH THAT RCK INTO YOUR AN EVEN SMALLER ROCK! AN-AND THEN! IMMA... IMMA SPRINKLE WHATEVER LEFT OF YOU DOWN SOME FAT DUDES TOILET!"

"Uke..." Sanji comes into view. "Are you yelling at a ROCK?"

"Yes." I look around for a bigger rock. "Ah-hah!"

I get a huge rock and smash the rock that tripped me.

"Uke..."

"Hold on!"

"..."

"Ok, what?" I lean on a tree.

"Your insane."

"SO!"

"Fire stle: Fire ball jitsu!"

"DUCk!" I duck behind my rock.

Fire fills the area we were in.

As soon as it clears, I stomp out onto the training grounds.

"COAL! Watch where you blow your god damned fire!" I snap.

"My bad."

"Speaking of blowing fire... why do all jitsu's come out your mouth?"

"You mean the good ones?"

"Uh-huh."

"Hm... I never thought of it..." Coal taps her chin. "And I must say, some of them look disturbing."

"A lot of water and earth ones look like their barfing up there jitsu's." I laugh.

"Oo! Oo! Let's dpo this like those British ladies!"

"Why yes, good show!"

"Teas and crumpets and all of that stuff!"

"You fail."

"Uke!" Sanji taps on my head impatiently.

"Yeah?"

"Do you really have Rinnegan, or was that one of your many tricks."

"Nerp, I really have it!" I tease. "Do YOU have it?"

"No..."

"HAHA! I WIN BICTH! PAY UP!" I hold my hand out for my money. "FIFTY BUCKS! OHYEAH!"

Coal grumbles something and pays the money.

"Akemi has it. You have it. But the older dosen't?" Coal huffs.

"Cuase he don't got the SKILLZ!" I bounce around.

"I can't believe your related to me." Sanji ,mumbles.

"WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING THAT!" I snap. "I'M OBVIOUSLY RELATED TO YOU SO STOP ASKING!"

"Sheesh, ok." Sanji holds his hands up defensively. "someones got a temper."

"FUCK YOU!"

"No thanks."

"SHUT UP!"

"Make me!"

"..." I glare. "Triple monster squadron go!"

Akemi, Kitzumi, and Mizu all appear at my side.

"Ha! Your gonna call a bunch of little kids on me?" Sanji rolls his eyes.

"These aren't ordinary kids..." I chuckle. "This is: Super eye team!"

"This is: insane." Sanji turns to walk away.

"ATTACK!"

* * *

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Get back here Uke!" Sanji rawrs.

"Haha, this is better than the movies!" Mizu runs to keep up.

"Right?" Akemi trails behind her.

I look around for someone to us as a human sheild.

"She sounds very Jack Spicer-y..." Scarlet comments.

"Who?" Itachi questions.

"This dude from Xaoilin Showdown."

"...Hn?"

"Cartoon."

I aim for Pein and he SIDESTEPS me.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL WAS THAT FOR!"

"Cause it's better than the movies." Pein smirks.

"Ergh, your worse than Sanji..." I brush plant dirt off my head.

"You wanted him here."

"SO!"

"AHHH! IT'S HORRIBLE!" Mitzumi screams running up to us.

"What is?" I stand up.

"It's a Mary-sue machine!"

"OMG THAT IS HORRIBLE!"

"What's a Mary-Sue?" Pein and Sanji chime.

"Ok, heres an example: Imagine there was some random 10 year old."

"Uh-huh."

"She had Rinnegan, Byukugan, and Sharingan."

"Uh-huh."

"Her whoole clan was killed off by her older brother,"

"Uh-huh."

"And she wants to be hokage."

"Wow."

"In other words, in a character whoes got a bunch of powers." Mitzumi sums it all up.

"Your explanations boring." I comment.

"Hn."

"Stop making that sound!"

"wait wait wai, there's a MACHINE that makes Mary-Sues?" Pein stops the coming arguement.

"Yep. The fangirls have it." Mitzumi explains. "They kinda suck though. They can't make very powerful Mary-Sues... Just sexed-crazed-Sues."

"Then theres no problem... Right?" Pein turns to me.

The all expert on Mary-Sues and other fangirl related things.

"Right." I realize a very pissed group forming. "Oh shit. What'd I do?"

"Where's my money?"

"Where's my fucking sacrifices you god damned heathen bitch!"

"What did you do to my room, hm!"

"Seems like I have some help..."

O.O"

Meep.

"Run awayyyyy!" I dash into my room and lock the door.

I find a bunch of Mary-Sues in my room.

Some counting money, some sleeping, some arguing.

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

They turn to stare.

I snatch away their money, then quickly give it to Kakuzu.

BOOM!

"Stop exploding my room!" I snap at Deidara.

I push the Mary-Sues Hidan's way, "Here's your damned sacrifices! And Deidara, Tobi broke your room!"

I flop down on my bed exaushted.

"Epic me..."

~~~~~~~~~

"So you CAN summon stuff?" Kisame raises his eyebrow.

"Yes." I mutter, a dark anime cloud forming around me.

"What is it?"

There's the purple fog.

"I'll show you, come outside..." I mutter.

"But it's raining."

"So?"

I stand ready and do the handsigns.

POOF!

A big duck appears next to me.

The group burst out laughing at my summoning.

"SHUT UP!" I snap.

They sure don't listen.

I poof the duck away and go lock them out the house.

"Ahh, relaxation." I lean back on the couch, feet on the table.

"Uke! Let us in!"

I turn on the TV loud to help ignore them.

After a few minutes, I go to get some popcorn.

"Why's almost everyone locked outside?" Konan asks, sitting next to me.

"Cause they laughed at my summoning... One of them."

"What is it?"

"A duck."

Konan snickers, which earns a glare.

Pein looks in, glances at the group outside, and turns to us, "What happened?"

"They laughed at my duck summoning!" I pout. "Come watch a movie with us!"

Pein shrugs and joins in the movie-fest.

Grrrrrrrrr

I glance down at my stomach and ignore it.

Grrrrrrrg!

"Shh, this is a good part..."

"You talk to your stomach." Konan pokes it.

"Yep."

Gggrrrrrrrrrg!

"Well it sure dosen't listen."

I groan and get up to find some food.

"Food, food, food, food..." I search the fridge. "Mmm, chicken..."

I grab the chicken and the carton of orange juice, and turn around.

"Your eyes are mine." A deep(and slightly menacing) voice growls.

I freeze and stare.

Then I feel a finger REACH FOR MY EYE.

I scream and drop my food ingrediants.

I slip and fall backwards into the fridge, hitting my head.

"Argh, fucking fridge..." I mutter.

"Uke? Why're you screaming?" Pein looks down at me.

"Cause there's a fucking ghost in the house!"

"A... Ghost?"

"Mm-hm!" I nod my head rapidly.

"Uke! Your dead!"

I crawl into Pein's cloak and hide.

"I scured."

"Scured?"

"Mhm."


	11. Hell's Rings

I'm taking the three monsters on a walk with me.

I had them on leashes JUST IN CASE.

"Wooow, these Mary-Sues are getting pretty advanced..." I look around the park at all the... Shy kids with an additude and Byukugan, Crying kids kicking someones ass... Etc etc...

"Uke, we don't wanna play with them." Mizu crosses her arms defiantly.

"Hmm, what're the boy ones called?" Akemi asks.

"Gary-stues." I drag them off in search of something to do.

"Uke, let's just go home already!" Mitzumi complains. "There's no one else here to mess with, other than those stupid Mary-Sues,"

"Ya know what? Fine! Go home then," I let go of there leashes and they're off.

I continue walking through the forest for barely 5 minutes, when I'm surronded by Nesha-Uchiha's...(lol, created that all by myself)!

"Today's just not my day," I grumble. "Ok fine, bring it on red eyes!"

And bring it they did, all the way to the next village.

I go for the last two, "Shadow Clone jitsu! He he, this is fun."

_**POOF! POOF!**_

I kick the one on the right in the shin, the other in the stomach.

They fall to the ground, just like that.

"Epic fail." I poof the shadow clones away.

"Watch your back!" A HIGHLY FAMILIAR voice says from behind.

A kick to the head knocks me into the nearest pole.

"Who the fuck are you?" I turn around. "Holy crap! Your me!"

An EXACT CLONE of me, except for the hair, which was long and straight(probably how my hair would be if I took care of it).

"Haah, that's right!" Clone-me teases. "And I'm gonna kick your ass!"

"Yeah right!" I charge at her with fists, of which she counters every attack.

Now that I think about it, it's kinda hard to fight yourself.

So here we are, raging through the village, destroying everything in our path.

"Shit, I'm all outta jitsu's!" I hide behind a trashcan. "Not good... I guess I could use "That"..."

**_CLANG!_**

Cloney knocks the trashcan out the way, into a window, "Oops."

"Yeah, the oops always makes it better!" I snap.

I get up and run from her, going up the side of a wall, and running across roofs.

She never missed a step.

I duck behind a taller building and do my handsigns.

My great big duck appears before me.

I climb on it's back and have it chase after Cloney.

She screams and runs from my giant duck.

"Yeah! You better run!" I laugh like a maniac.

**_CRK. CRA. CRACK._**

"Uh-oh."

I fall through the ceiling of the building, my duck landing on me.

"Uh-oh, is right." Cloney saunters up to me. "That mistake just cost you your life."

**_POOF!_**

"Wha-!" Cloney stares at the spot I stuck my clone.

"Hell's Rings!"

I smash the mixed chakra nature ball into her back, she goes flying into the next wall.

"Hell's Rings" is a jitsu I made up that combines up to three chakra natures.

This time, I used Lightning, Fire, and Wind.

"I won..." I stare at the dying clone. "I WON!"

"H-How...?" The clone questions.

"Well, when I went behind the wall, I sent Luke and Kuke into the building. Then, I made a clone to distract you. I kinda had the feeling the duck wouldn't be able to stay on the roof for long.  
"So when you had your backed turned on me, I was working on Hell's Rings, and that's how it happened."

The clone glares at me.

"Your a bit to cocky to be an exact clone of me, and the hair isn't right, so I'll just leave you to this crumbling building." I leave the building, poof away my summoning, and poof away Luke and Kuke.

This pooor mini village...

"What the fuck happened to you?" Hidan raises an eyebrow.

I yawn, "The fangirls made a clone of me, I kicked it's ass, and now I'm here and sleepy."

I flop onto the couch and catch some sleep, "And before I forget, they made some Uchiha Mary-Sues also known as Nesha-Uchiha's."

"Hn."

I get in my usual position for sleeping, and my hands start feeling ON FIRE.

"Agh! Owwww!" I fall to the ground, waving my hands. "Hell's rings is right! My hands on fire!"

"Uke, what happened to you?" Pein chuckles. "Your usually asleep by now,"

"Wellll, the fangirls made a clone of me who I named Cloney. She knew almost alll my jitsu's! Then I tricked her and used my new jitsu on her called "Hell's Rings" and I guess it has some side effects cause now my hands are- ON FIRE AHHHH! THEY'RE REALLY ON FIRE NOW!"

I run to the kitchen, turn on the water, and keep my hands there while I talk.

"How does this jitsu work?"

"I can combine up to 3 chakra natures, I could probably go higher, but I'd rather not."

"Why not?"

I hold up my now blistering hands, "It buuuurns..."

Pein rolls his eyes with a smirk, "It's better than you screaming from ghost."

"I swear it was real!" I splash him. "I'm serious!"

"Mmm-kay."

"Pein!"

He walks off, while I try to stop my hands from catching on fire.

Finally, the burning stops and well, it hurts frankly.

I wrap some bandages around it and watch some TV.

"No fair! She learned her own damn jitsu!" Coal whines.

"Which I don't really use."

"Why not?"

"CAUSE IT SET MY FUCKING HANDS ON FIRE!"

"Oh yeah..."


	12. The ghost is back!

body

Coal, Scarlet, and I were playing a game of ninja tag.

Coal was it and right on my heels.

I jump over the trash can, whereas she kicks it to the side.

"What did that poor trash can ever do to you!" I snap.

"It stunk up the kitchen!"

"That's it's job!"

"That's the most retarded job I've ever heard of!"

"It's also the most easiest." I put my hands on my hips and roll my neck in a matter-of-fact-ly way.

We stand and stare at each other having a silent arguement of neck rolls, wagging fingers, and tounge sticking outs.

"I CALL PARTNER! NO TAKE BACKS, SWITCHIES, OR REDOS!" Scarlet runs in and glomps Coal.

"Wait what! What about me!" I protest.

"Figure something out." Scarlet shrugs.

"LIKE!"

"Recruit a new member."

"...That's a lot of work, I'll just steal someone else's partner..." I stomp off.

"T-Tag! No tag-backs!" Coal reaches out from her position on the floor.

"Shit!" I quickly tag Scarlet and run off.

"Get back here! I refuse to be it! REFUSE!" Scarlet chases after.

I turn a corner and run into the first room I see.

Which leads to me falling down a few flights of stairs.

"AHH! YOU GOD FORSAKEN STEPS! WHY'RE THERE SO MANY OF YOU! I SWEAR, IF ELEVATORS HURT LESS, I'D REPLACE YOU IN A SPLIT SECOND!" I scream.

I sit in silence for a few minutes while my voice echoes.

"Have you lost your mind, Uke?" I talk to myself. "Giving death-threats to inanimate objects?"

I find it that I can't move my leg... So I was stick leaning against a grimy wall.

I sit there for about 5 minutes before I hear foot steps coming my way.

"Whoes there~?" I sing out.

That same "ghost" presses it's fingers against my eye.

Most people don't know this, but when I scream for real... I scream.

Eye-picking ghosts are one of those things.

~~~(Upstairs, no one's P.O.V)~~~

Hidan and Kisame were playing Mario Kart on the WII when they hear a bloody murder scream.

They freeze.

"What the fuck was that?" Hidan grumbles.

"Maybe it's that ghost Uke was talking about!" Mizu announces.

"That's retarded."

"Your retarded!"

"Your mom." Hidan glares.

"I'm smarter than you," Scarlet scoffs.

"AHHHH! IT'S THE EYE PICKING GHOST! AHHHHH!"

Everyone stares in the basic direction of the basement.

There's suddenly a lot of thumping coming from the walls.

And out comes Uke from a wall.

~~~~~~

"THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELP!" I snap.

"You and your ghosts," Zetsu rolls his eyes.

"I really felt it! I'm serious!"

"Suuuure."

"Someone needs a mental hospital..." Sanji comments.

"Someone needs to shut the fuck up!" I growl.

"Uke! Look what you did to the wall!" Kakuzu scolds.

"I think my sight is more important than a hole in the wall." I whine.

"I don't think so..."

"If I was blind, I'd crash into much more things." I say matter-of-factly. "Causing more damage, less money, and a very high hospital bill..."

"Why should I pay your hospital bill?"

"Cause if you don't I'll come find you and get my duck to beat the crap outta you."

"Such a threat from a soon to be blind person," Kisame teases.

"Shut up!" I pout. "Who asked you!"

"Was a question being asked?"

"Yeah, somewhere..."

"Uke, there is a trail of blood from the hole, to the kitchen, to where your standing." Sasuke points out.

"So?"

"That isn't normal."

"WHADDYA MEAN THAT ISN'T NORMAL! I'M MORE NORMAL THAN YOU AND YOUR HAIR MIXED TOGETHER-"

"Me and my hair are already mixed together."

"FUCK YOU!"

"Let's not."

"Argh! Shut up!" I throw a pillow at him.

"Ooo! It hurts so much!" He throws it back smirking.

"Yeah! It hurts a whole lot dosen't it!" I throw it back


	13. Peppers and the Band

**hehehehehehe... Hmm, a new OC is on the way! Just a few more chapters...**

* * *

Me and Coal stare down, an assortment of peppers spread before us.

"Are you guys insane?" Mitzumi questions.

"Maaaybe." I mutter.

"Let's just get this over with, un." Deidara sighs.

"Wait wait wait! Hold on!" Hidan snaps from the kitchen. "Ok, start now!"

Me and Coal down peppers, starting with jalapenoes and ending with habenero's.

The LAST PEPPER stands in my hand.

My mouth was on fire and my eyes wouldn't stop watering.

Coal was having similar problems.

I put the pepper to mouth buuut... I couldn't do it!

Coal screams in pain and runs for the sink, me right on her heels.

The sink WOULDN'T WORK!

I fan my mouth and run for the fridge.

No liquids what so ever.

I screech in annoyance and follow Coal to the bathroom.

"Ahh! This zink do'ent work eder!" She kicks it annoyed.

"Screw da zink!" I shove my head in the toilet and drink the only source of water.

"I really didn't think she'd go that far..." Hidan chuckles.

Coal rips me out the toilet and shoves her own head in, gulping down half the bowl.

"You son of a- MOVE!" I pull her away and continue drinking until it stopped burning.

Scarlet, Deidara, Hidan, and Akemi were cracking up.

Mizu, Pein, Itachi, Sasuke, Konan and Mitzumi were snickering.

Kakuzu had a camera.

"Wow, you drunk alll the water out." Akemi inspects.

"SHUT UP!" I throw a bar of soap at him.

He backs away still laughing like crazy.

I snatch a stray pepper and force it down his throat, "SHUT UP SHUT UP!"

"Don't kill your brother." Pein mutters, pulling me off of him.

"I wasn't gonna kill him! I was gonna shove a pepper down his throat!" I protest.

"Same thing,"

~~~~~~~~~~~

We sit around the lving room in various positions, staring at the TV like zombies.

Akemi was up on top of the TV keeping our reception.

"I feel like an idiot." He growls.

"You are an idiot," I fix his position for a better picture. "Perfect! Stay just like that!"

"Ello! Bay-beh!" TV Gunther says.

"Where's all the food?" Scarlet calls out.

"Shh, don't tell her!" I hiss to everyone in the living room.

"Well?" Scarlet peeks in.

"..."

"Uke ate it." Akemi says with a smirk.

"AKEMI! What don't you get by don't tell her!" I snap.

"Uke! You fucking pig, that's it!" Scarlet grabs me by my hair and drags me outside to the training grounds. "Your gonna be a HEALTHY NINJA with a balanced diet and NORMAL sleeping hours!"

"But that's HORRIBLE!" I whine.

"Should've watched your eating habits,"

Scarlet looks me up and down for a minute, tapping her chin.

"First off, you can't be having your hair in the way," Scarlet puts my hair in a tight pony tail. "Second, you need to train."

"I DO train!" I snap.

"PHYSICAL training! Not ninjitsu!"

"...Shit... I feel like Lee." I grumble.

"Hmmm, that gives me an idea..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stomp into the living room covered in various bruises and cuts.

Wearing a green jump suit.

"I. Hate. You." I glare at Scarlet.

"Aww you know you love me!" She snickers.

Hidan smothers his laughter, "Uke-"

"Not. A. Word." I hold a knife threatenignly.

"Uke's untrainable." Coal says to Scarlet. "Remember when I tried to train her? In the clarinet?"

"Ohhh yeahh, she busted the teachers ear drum."

"And she was very violent."

"The clarinet, hm?"

"Yes. She played worse than Squidward." Coal laughs.

"That's cause I'm a GUTAIRIST." I snap. "Not a... A... A clarinetist!"

"You play an instrument?" Konan raises her eye brow.

"Yep, my best song is... Thanks for the Memories."

"Weird..." Konan mutters.

"Play it for us!" Tobi pleads.

"With what gutair?" I cross my arms.

"And drum?" Scarlet adds.

"Tobi found some in the basement!" Tobi leads the way.

And sure enough there were two electric gutairs and a set of drums downstairs.

And a mic.

I grab a gutair and go in front of the mic.

Scarlet settles herself in front of the drums, tapping boredly on it.

Coal tests out her gutair.

"That's weird... My name's on the neck..." Coal mumbles.

"Hm?" I check it out.

"Coal" in cursive was written in red, up the neck of the gutair.

The gutair was fully black.

Mine had "Uke" in all capitals written in orange.

My gutair was black with green flames.

There was a letter on each drum/cymbal spelling out Scarlet's name on the the set.

"Cool," I chuckle. "Thanks Tobi."

We hook everything and hit the first few notes.

I start. "I'm gonna make you bend and break, Say your prayers but let the good times roll.. In case God dosen't show."

Coal vocolizes in the back.

"And I want a way to make things right," Me.

"But it's the wrong that makes the world come to liiife!" Scarlet.

"Who does he think he is? If that's the worst you got, then put your fingers back to the keys!" Me. "One night! One more time! Thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great! He tastes like you, only sweeterrrr! One night yeah, one more time! Thanks for the memories! Thanks for the memories! See? He tastes like you, only sweeterrrrrr!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We end the song with a little UCS flaire!

We take a bow and set our intruments down gently.

Well, Coal and Scarlet did.

Mine felt... Weird.

At closer inspection, I see a gem at the top of the neck.

"Tobi... This is the same gem that was on the scepter, where'd you get it?"

"Tobi just found it!"

"Hmmm..." I aim the gutair at a stack of empty boxes and strike an E flat.

A bolt of lightning shoots from the tip, destroying the boxes.

"TOTALLY AWESOME!" I cheer.  
"I, Uke-whatever-my-last-name-is, am TOTALLY AWESOME!"


	14. Selling stuffs

I've done A WHOLE WEEK of training.

It sucks.

I'm feeling light headed, I lost a lot of blood.

It hasn't been regenerating as fast as usual.

I'm healing slower too! Agh!

Kakuzu has finally bought more decent food.

I'M STARVING.

I wait till night, dinner for ME was a salad and ONE FINGER SIZED PIECE OF STEAK.

I sneak into the kitchen after everyones asleep.

I pull out the still warm steak, the bottle of soda, and whatever else I needed to stay alive.

Ok, not literally.

Ugh, I think I passed out eating.

"UKE!" Scarlet screeches.

"Told ya, she's untrainible." Coal laughs.

"Mmmmmmmmm..." I moan. "It's soooo gooood."

I reach for a piece of steak and bring it to my mouth.

"Stop eating!" Scarlet snaps.

"Where'd all her cuts and bruises go?" Mizu pokes some fairly sensitive skin.

"Ouch!" I jerk away. "I heal fast, but it still hurts damnit!"

"Sorry,"

"But still, that food was goooood." I munch on a raw hot dog.

"Stop that! It'll make you sick!" Scarlet snatches the raw hot dog away.

I yawn, "Time for my mid-morning nap."

I flop onto the couch, ignoring Scarlet's yells of protest.

"Give it up, Scarlet. She's Uke." Coal pats Scarlets shoulder. "You had a good run, but a weeks' her limit."

"If it makes you feel any better," I sit up some. "I DID gain more physical endurance stuff, whatever you were talking about... And I can run faster! Hellz yeah!"

I crash on the couch, ignoring the talking.

I wake up around noon.

"Lazy!" Scarlet huffs

"Damn right."

She rolls her eyes with a " I give up!" and stomps off.

"Aaand, we're out of food." Konan smacks me upside the head.

"Ow! What was that for?" I whine.

"Cause you ate all the damn food in less than 10 hours!" She smacks my head again.

"Ow! Stop that!"

"Where're we gonna get food for a month!" Konan exclaims with another hit.

"Ow! Konan!"

"Well!" Smack!

"Oww... My head hurts..." I mumble. "I can get us some money..."

"How?"

"Just get me a few fangirls and sell them as whores..."

"Ok, new idea." She pops my head.

"Ok ow! I'm being serious now!"

"You better..."

"Um... Uh... THE BASEMENT!" I shoot up. "We could sell stuff in that basement!"

I now fear being hit by Konan, that last one knocked a filling loose.

"That's... A good idea." Konan nods approvingly. "BOYS!"

The male members of the Akatsuki are in the room 10 seconds flat.

"Get all the useless stuff out the basement and bring it in here. We're gonna sell it." Konan instructs.

There's a few reluctant nods and the guys file out.

"Wow, that was easy." I comment.

"Well duh, I'm Konan." Konan pats my head.

I sort through all the junk that was brought up.

Weapons, Summonings, food, CD's, etc, etc... junkies.

* * *

"OK, everythings sorted! There's 5 piles!" I announce. "Weapons, Summonings, junk, books, and music!"

"I call music and books!" Scarlet raises her hand.

"I choose weapons... mainly cause your bad with weapons, Uke." Coal jokes.

"If I had a nickle for everytime I had to choose last or was chosen last..." I grumble. "I could buy us a new TV."

"OMG! That's so true!"

"Heck yeah!" I throw some random bucket behind my back.

There's a loooud stream of cuss words.

Hidan glowers at me.

"We're bringing back the swear jar." Kakuzu sets a jar on the coffee table.

Hidan shoves about 5 dollars in, after a brief threat.

"Hahaha, take that!" I tease.

He throws the bucket at my head.

"FUCK YOU!"

"Uke." Kakuzu holds the jar up to me.

"Stupid old guy..." I grumble, digging around in my pocket for money.

I shove it into the jar and collect the Junk and Summonings.

"I'm out, before I go broke." I grumble.

* * *

"Hey hey, who wants to buy some stuff?" I pull my wagon into Waterfall village. "I've got so much stuff, you wouldn't believe! You want summonings? I gots summonings! You want..." I pull something random out the pile. "A big pretty stone? I gots it! You wanna... costume for all those cool parties?"

A few people look a bit curious.

"You want hats, come and get em' cause I got it all!" I cheer.

One dude comes up to me, looking through my stuff.

He catches me staring at him, "See something you like?"

"YOU WISH!" I snap.

He chuckles and settles for 3 summonings and a dying book of Icha Icha paradise.

"Perv," I mutter. "We are happy! Happy nappers! And we love to play with you!" I sing.

I then realize this is a BIG village.

I tap my chin, then go into an alley.

I come out the alley with Nuke holding half the junk, Kuke holding half the summonings.

"This should be much faster..." I laugh quietly.

"Psh, sure." Kuke comments.


	15. Run away part 1

**Now for some... SERIOUSNESS! hahaha that's a first for me**

* * *

_'I should really work on my impulsiveness...'_ I think slightly annoyed. _'I wouldn't be in this mess...'_

Hmmm, why don't I back track a bit?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So, it was an overly stressing day at the Akatsuki base.

"I hate you! Drop dead!" Mitzumi screamed at Akemi, stomping off.

"Sheesh." Akemi rolled his eyes. "All I said was that she was bug-eyed..."

"I can't believe your all eleven." Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "You still act like 8 year olds."

"It's a glitch in the jitsu." Itachi explained, brushing Mitzumi's hair. "State of mind develops slower."

"Ow!" Mitzumi pulled away.

Itachi rolled his eyes.

"I'm pretty sure Mitzumi's a boy," I commented. "Why're you brushing his hair?"

"Because it's clumpy..."

"Ffffffffuuuuu!"

"What is it with you and that sound?"

"...Hn..." I turned back to my show.

"Duck!" Akemi shouts.

I ducked my head down as a bowl of ramen flew past my head.

"What a waste of ramen." Kakuzu grumbled. "And money."

"Get over it, it was spoiled anyways." I rolled my eyes.

"Then why didn't you eat it when you cooked it?"

"Cause I forgot about it and the noodles got soggy." I shrugged.

"UKE! YOU KILLED MY RAMEN NOODLES!" Coal shouted. "Look at this! They're all soggy!"

"Then make some new ramen noodles, gosh!" I stomped off, annoyed. "Everyones out to get me today..."

"Hey Uke, wanna test something?" Sasori peeks out his labrotory.

"Nu-uh."

"..."

I go out to the training grounds, clouds in the sky(and not those good clouds that're white and fluffy(the grey ones that usually mean rain)).

I sit in my favorite tree and just listen.

Then I hear voices I didn't notice before...

"...Uke's more of a mistake."

"She's more than a mistake!"

That hurts... A bruise, but it hurts a lot.

"She was an accident, Konan wanted to keep her."

"And you didn't?"

"I didn't care."

You wounded me. I'm still standing though.

"She's just a brat who can barely fend for herself."

"How barely?"

"Ya know that pink haired girl that's in love with Sasuke?"

"You mean Sakura?"

"Yup."

"Heh."

"I wonder if my life would be better without Uke..."

And I'm dead. That one killed me.

"Most likely better, wouldn't have to worry about whether she cracked her head or not,"

"Is that really what you think about me?" I drop out my tree and land on my butt.

Pein and Sanji stare in shock.

"How much of that did you hear?" Pein questions.

"I heard enough,"

"Uke-"

"If that's what you REALLY think of me, why am I still here?"

"Look whoes favorite now," Sanji smirks.

"Shut up! If that's how you BOTH REALLY FEEL, then FINE I'll just LEAVE! Make your life better by me not being here! Uke slash Katana never existed!" I turn on my heel and stomp off.

_I won't cry, I won't cry, I won't- shit! I'm crying..._

Pein tries again, "Uke-"

I whip around and glare, full Rinnegan.

_He probably feels bad now that he knows I heard  
_  
"Shut. Up..." It hurt to say, but I say it anyways. "And go. Away. I HATE YOU!"

I dash off, a big lump forming in my throat.

"I'm sorry Uke..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that's HOW I ended up out here in the forest in the middle of the night.

I was walking down a path to... Where ever.

But now, I must explain what happen after only an hour of running.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stopped for a break to catch my breath, I was some ways from the base.

I sat down and leaned on a tree.

"I really am one of those unwanted orphans..." I sighed, now depressed.

The thing is, during my time in the orphanage, NO ONE wanted to adopt me.

It was like there was a big sign pointing at me that said "DON'T ADOPT HER' in big letters.

Rather depressing to watch your friends get adopted for 6 years.

And yet no one wants you.

And now the feelings coming back to haunt me.

"Hey you! Are you mute or something?" A kick to the shin snaps me out of my thoughts.

"Fuck off," I grumble.

"Get up!"

I roll my eyes and just stare up at him.

Some dude with a big nose and a beard.

He wore a lot of purple.

"I said get up!" He kicks me again.

My eye twitches at the action, "No."

I'm suddenly surronded by guys wearing a lot of purple.

"What's with all the purple?" I stand up and stretch. "And what do you want?"

"Your Uke. Akatsuki member, holder of Rinnegan."

"And?"

"You destroyed our village."

"Oh, that sad excuse of a village was yours?" I laugh. "Man! That was fun to destroy!"

This earns some glares and some growls.

"But you didn't put up much of a fight,"

"Grab her!"

"What?"

"Your bounty should be enough to fix our village,"

"H-Hey! Wait!" I kick my foot out and catch big nose in the shin. "I'm no ones bounty! Fuck off!"

I dash off, the ten purple-nins chasing after with a variety of weapons...

~~~~~~~~~~~

And that's how I'm like this now.

My left arm has lost all feeling, is still bleeding, and is un the verg of falling off(one purple-nin cut halfway through).

My right arm is all scratched up(big nose shoved me into a tree).

My hairs even messed up more than usual(which is a lot) and I think I lost a tooth... Either that or I bit my tounge.

And to top it off, I sprained my ankle.

So I'm pretty messed up.

At least I managed to ditch those purple-nins.

"You ever loved some body so much, you barely breath when you meet em. Ya meet and you neither one of them know what hit em. Got them warm fuzzy feelings. Ya them chills use to get em. Now you getting fucking sick of looking at em?" I sing to get my mind off the wounds. "You swore you never hit em, never do nothing to hurt em. Now your in each others face spewing venom your burns when you spit them. You push, pull each others hair, scratch, claw, pin him, throw him, win. So lost in the moments when your in them."

At that point, I lose my footing and end up hanging halfway off the over hang.

I lay like that for a few moments, trying to figure out how I'd get up.

I then see two eyes staring up at me.

"Mom! Look!" A little boys voice calls out. "A person!"

"That's nonsense! At this time of..." The lady stares at me. "Night..."

"Hello..." I croak. "Can you help me out?" I roll over onto my stomach.

The lady gasps and backs away, grabbing her child with her.

"What?"

"Y-Your Uke! Y-You destroyed my families village!"

"W-Wait! Please?"

"Get away! Don't hurt us!"

"How the hell would I hurt you!" I snap. "Are you BLIND!"

"What? Is it money you want!"

"Ugh, your not listening!" I make it to a sitting position. "Can you just tell me where the nearest village is!"

She squeals and runs away.

"...Idiot..." I make it to my feet and limp off. "Shit..."

"Here," The boy from before appears in front of me. "I know you don't want to hurt us, take these."

The boy hands me bandages, water, and a map.

"Thanks." I smile, stuffing the things deep into my pocket.

The boy quickly runs off, and I continue.

I stop to take a quick look at the map, something I never learned to read.

"Umm, ok... It says I'm right about here in this yellow area... And the closest place is this red area... Ok!" I put the map away and down half the water.


	16. Run away part 2

I land in Amegakure(Rain Village).

"Of course, it has to start raining!" I grumble.

I make my way up a few flights of steps, looking for a place to rest.

I walk into an Inn and people stare at me.

Some with fear, others with hate.

I back out and look for a different place.

Each place, people had mixed emotions, many chased me out.

"Sheesh, I destroy ONE TINY ASS VILLAGE and it's like some worldwide tragedy!" I rant. "Then, the Zombie Bro's and Deidara blow up half of Sunagakure and no one cares! Everyones out to get me, as always!"

I stop and glance at the opening in the pipes, almost hidden stairs going into the side of them.

I crawl into the hole and crawl up the steps(which is rather hard to do with one arm and one leg).

I end up in a small room.

There was a window with a view of half of Amegakure, a pipe leaking with water, and a small heater from who knows where.

"What luck," I turn on the heater, take off my soaked cloak, and sit down with the bandages. "Mmmkay, foot first..."

After some fondling and pushing, I get my foot back in the normal position it should be in.

I wrap bandages around it, then go to work on my arm.

I pour the rest of my water on it to clean it, then wrap some bandages on that.

I do my other arm just in case.

I use the last of the bandages to wrap my head up.

"All better!" I smirk. "Kinda."

I munch on the donut I found, then go to sleep.

~~~(One week later)~~~  
No one's P.O.V

The base was... Off without Uke to balance the sanity with the insanity.

"Who're we spose to mess with now?" Mizu whines. "No one's as clumsy as Uke and she... She was overly dramatic."

"Why'd the bitch leave anyways?" Hidan comments.

Everyone goes silent to think, considering the only people who knew why were Sanji, Pein, and Konan.

"Well, Sasori seems to be fine without her," Scarlet comments. "He just replaced her."

"You say that like it's a bad thing," Sasori mutters.

"IT IS!" Coal and Scarlet snap.

"What is?" The new member, Nani, enters the room.

"Nothing." Coal grumbles.

Nani had golden-brown hair that went down to her lower back, blue-grey eyes, and a mixed additude.

It was somewhere between Preppy, Needy, Rude and Hardworking.

It was rather annoying.

"Sheesh, she's as bipolar as Uke, hm." Deidara mutters. "Just less annoying."

"Whoes this Uke you people keep talking about?" Nani huffs. "She sounds bratty."

"Uke's your partner when... If she comes back," Itachi explains. "She's got messy orange hair..."

"...a big temper." Sasuke adds.

"An even bigger appetite," Kisame chuckles.

"Overly clumsy," Kakuzu grumbles.

"Loud," Sasori mutters.

"Who knows how to have fun with explosions, hm!" Deidara laughs.

"Who has a thing for ducks a nd bunnies!" Konan jokes.

"Who has the oddest sense of humor," Suigetsu adds.

"The most kick ass friend ever!" Coal cheers.

"Whoes secretly caring," Jugo adds.

"Whoes memory isn't the best..." Mitzumi shrugs.

"Who bugs the hell outta most people." Karin rolls her eyes.

"Who has Rinnegan eyes!" Tobi chimes.

"Who you CANNOT replace!" Scarlet finishes the little game.

Nani gives them a weird look, "Why'd she leave?"

"..."

"I guess that's a taboo question..."

"She's still not back?" Pein steps into the room. "Hm..."

"We should go look for her!" Akemi proclaims.

"We don't even know where she's at."

"She's a bit impulsive sometimes." Sasori continues explaining Uke to Nani.

"Oh yeah..." Akemi mutters. "Well, how do we figure out where she'd be?"

"Hmm, if we had a dog we could track her scent..." Karin mutters. "Her chakra's to jumbled to track succesfully.

"Uke has a tendency to wander off and start adventures." Sasori continues talking with Nani.

"So she must be a good traveler?" (Nani)

"What other ways are there to track her?" (Scarlet)

"She can't read a map even if her life depended on it," (Sasori)

"THAT'S IT!" Coal exclaims "I think I know where she is!"

"Hm? How?" Konan raises her eyebrow.

"Someone get me a map!"

Kakuzu tosses her a map from his pocket.

"Ok, the closet village is the one Uke destroyed, right here!" Coal explains, pointing at the map. "And because Uke can't read maps to well, she goes by color! What's the closet color to our spot?"

"...Red?" Nani mutters.

"Exactly! And that red is Amegakure/Rain Village, so she must be there somewhere!"

"So, whoes going?" Konan chimes in.

"I'll go, ya know, cause I'm her partner and stuff!" Nani waves.

"Me! I wanna go! I call dibs as the C in UCS!" Coal chimes, bouncing up and down.

"Let me go, hm. I miss her, kinda," Deidara adds.

"Then it's settled, Me, Coal, Deidara, and... Nani right? Will go." Pein announces.

The people chosen cheer, Konan smiles from behind her cloak.

~~~(4 Days Later)~~~  
Uke's P.O.V

I look out my window as people start making there way back into there homes.

I grab my metal pipe and head out, like always.

"Sheesh, it's always raining here." I mutter.

I'd decieded not to wear my cloak out today.

I sneak into a small shop and steal some fruit and bread as per usual.

I can't sneak anything else out.

"I'm looking for a girl!" Coal says to the shop keeper. "Orange hair, possibly a cloak?"

"I've seen the thief... I don't know where she lives though.

I peek out and see Coal with some chick with golden brown hair.

I KNOW they didn't REPLACE ME!

I sneak back out with my food and head back "home".

"Hey you, hm." Deidara talks to the bar keepers kid. "You seen a girl with orange hair, about your age, hm?"

"Oh yeah!" The girl nods.

I go around back and pick up a few bottles of water.

"Well, where is she, hm?"

"I dunno. She keeps it a secret."

Deidara sighs as I sneak off.

"Should I go back...? Seems they've replaced me..." I mutter.

"Hey you! You want a good time?" Some bald dude waves.

"With you? No way." I hit him over the head with the pole.

I turn a corner and pause, "Aw man... Wrong way..."

I turn around and I see a group coming down the same... Corrider? As me.

_/SHIIIIT!_

I dash off and count the alleyways until I get to the fourth one, I go down some steps, then crawl into my hole(of which I made a bit bigger).

I lug my stuff upstairs and sit in front of the window.

Coal, Deidara, Pein, and the girl were standing right below my window.

"I guess I do kinda miss them..." I open the window and drop an apple down.

It lands in the center of their circle.

They look up surprised and I wave.

"Uke! How'd you get up there?" Coal questions.

"I'll show you, hold on!" I slip down the steps and crawl out, back into the rain.

"UKE! I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!" Coal squeals.

"Can we get out the rain first?" I mutter.

She nods and let's me go.

I crawl back into the hole and lead the way.

Then something starts to drip my head.

I close my eyes and reopen them, and I'm allone.

"ARGH! I HATE IT WHEN I DO THAT!" I snap as the water continues to drip on me. "Now I'm all hungry..."

I sneak downstairs and weave through the crowd of people to a shop.

~~~~~~

When I come back, I see a few kids and a teen standing in front of my "house".

"I hear, the Cursed Orphan lives here!" One says.

"How would she fit?"

"I heard that she destroyed a whole village."

I sigh and walk off.

I sit at the bar and get some fresh water.

I glance back and notice a paper angel hanging in the doorway.

"Hm...?" I walk up to it. "What's... This..?"

"It's Lady Angel. It's good luck." The bar keepers daughter explains. "Would you like one?"

"Mm-mm." I shake my head..

I leave before the bar keeper notices my being here.

I walk down the street and just look around.

I end up in a big open area.

"There she is!" Some hooded guy points.

I cock my head, "Who?"

"You, you little theif!"

I'm surronded by people, and I get a huge headache.

I black out for only a few minutes, when I wake up those people are strewn across, dead.

I stare in shock, that I ACTUALLY DID THIS.

I run back "home" and try to get my thoughts together.

_**Grrrrrrrrrgrggrgrgrrrrr...**_

"Shut up! I know your hungry!" I snap.

The stores are all gaurded now...

What am I spose to eat!

"Ugh, I'm gonna die here! Sad and alone!" I scream. "And it's gonna be a slow death..."

I test to see if I could use my arm, which hurt like a bitch.

I give up after the third try, "And now, I've lost all use in my arm."

I get up and stare out the window, my arm hanging limply at my side, "Was this the right choice...?"

I'm not going back... Until I can move my arm and read a map... So it's more llike I can't go back.

I try my arm again, managing to raise it up all the way.

I let it drop down.

"Good night mice."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up outside, being held over the edge railing.

I scream and try to get back on solid ground.

"You monster." A voice growled. "What'd you do with my child."

_The bar keeper..._

"I didn't touch her!"

"Lies! Your always talking to her!"

"I don't know where she is! I'd never hurt anyone... Anymore..."

"I don't believe you,"

"DADDY! LEAVE HER ALONE!"

"Huh? Sweetheart! Where'd you go!" The guy literally drops me over the side.

"Orphan! No!"

I didn't have the energy to scream, so I fall through the air silently.

I stare at the frog like building rushing at me.

_What's Jiraiya doing here?_

I have a squishy, painful, landing.


	17. Run away part 3

"My bad Jiraiya..."

"Where's your friends?"

"I ran away," I leave the building and walk up alll those stairs again.

I don't even get far, before Yamato is behind me.

"Your hard to find, easy to catch." He smirks, swinging me over his back.

I kick my feet and claw at his back, trying to get free as he ran through the rain.

I land a good kick on his stomach and he drops me.

Then I start running blindly, narrowly missing a flaming kunai.

A wooden wall appears in front of me.

Me, being the clumsy ass i am, smash right into it.

I could feel blood pouring down my head, which isn't a good mix with rain, cause now I couldn't see.

"Gotta think fast! What do I do! Brain give me an idea!" I look around frantically.

Yamato was getting close.

I jump off the side railing, letting myself fall.

I grab blindly for something, managing to snag a window sill.

My foot felt off again... Shit, I think I broke it this time...

I use my ONE GOOD FOOT to knock on the window for 2 minutes.

The shades pull open, and the girl from my dream stares back at me.

That same golden-brown hair...

Her face goes from shock to realization.

She pulls open the window and pulls me in.

"Hey guys," I wave, acting totally fine.

"Well if it isn't the Cursed Orphan!" Coal laughs.

"I missed you and your sarcasm!"

"What an odd friendship..." That girl comments.

"Did you guys replace me? Whoes she?" I point.

"That's Nani, your new partner, hm."

"Does she sing?"

"No.." Nani mutters.

"Aww," I pout.

"That's mean..." Nani whines.

"So?"

"Uke, don't be so mean," Coal smirks.

I sit on the bed, "fine."

"What's with your arm, un?" Deidara lifts up said.

"OWOWOWOWOWOW!" I jerk away. "It got the life slashed out of it, ok?"

"Ahh," Deidara nods. "Mm-kay, I won't mess with it but at least get the blood out your eyes, un."

I wipe my eyes, failing horribly, "Ahh! It burns!"

Cue anime sweatdrop from everyone in this room.

"Where'd leader-sama go...? He was just here?" Nani glances around.

"Who knows?" I stretch my good arm. "Anyone here know how to fix a broke foot?"

Nani comes over and feels my foot, "It's noot broke, it's cracked."

"Owwww..."

"You've got a lot of issues... Like walking around in a to big shirt and shorts."

"Yeahhh, the shirts... Big..."

"Uke, you look like your orphan self again," Coal sighs. "And if you weren't so hurt, I'd kick your ass."

"What? Why?" I back away from her.

"For leaving! Sasori went quiet, the male Uchiha's started fighting again, The kids are left with no one to play with, Tobi's been very... M-word, and worst of all, you depressed Pein!"

I get a thoughtful look on my face, "All that cause I left? Hmmm..."

She punches my bad arm.

"Owwww!" I hold my arm. "What was that for?"

"For leaving."

"Could've punched the other arm..."

"It's a good thing Nani's a medical-nin, un." Deidara chuckles. "You keep hurting yourself, un."

"I do not!" I stand up with my hands on my hips. "And I'll be back."

Nani pouts, "wait! Your in no condition-"

"I don't care what condition I'm in, I've got something to do." I wave her off and leave the room. "Focus... Focus... Fo- ah-hah!"

I dash off into the rain, headed for the top of that tower.

I use whatever left of my physical skill and some of my ninja skills to climb up the side wall.

I started thinking about King Kong, which made me laugh.

"I... am... King kong!" I steal the beat from Kesha's song, Cannibal.

I leap off a pole and stand wobbily on the ledge, looking around.

/Ugh... Don't tell me I messed up again.../

But wait, there he is!

I run at him and jump on his back.

He freezes for a second, then glances back.

"Uke...?"

"Miss me?" I let go and drop to the ground.

He hugs me- actually HUGS me for once.

I hug him back, tears daring to start falling.

"You seem very attached to this place..." He mutters.

"I missed you..." I smirk.

"Why'd you leave?" He questions.

"Cause you were talking with SAnji saying that I'm useless and wondering why I was born AND you said I was an accident and you didn't wanna keep me," I explain, confused.

"I.. never said that..."

"Huh?"

"Well, Sanji did say something about... hmm, fangirls..." Pein mutters.

"Ugh, I feel like such an idiot." I grumble.

"Cause you are one,"

"Hey!"

"But your my idiot," Pein pats my head. "Your lighter than before..."

"Umm..." I search my mind for an excuse, which failed horribly.

He chuckles and sets me down, then realize he was pretty much covered in blood.

"My bad," I push my hair out my face.

"...What's with your arm?"

"Is everyone gonna ask that?" I roll my eyes. "The life got halfway slashed outta it."

"Halfway?"

"Mm-hmm, and I cracked my foot bone, and busted my head open, and lost a tooth." I explain. "Not my best week, but I survived it."

"You might..." Pein lifts up my limp arm. "Need a new arm..."

"Nooo! I don't wanna knew arm!" I whine.

"Uke, it looks like someone tried to cut it off."

"SO!"

Pein sighs and drops the subject for now.

"Let's go!" I point in a random.

"To?"

"Either Jiraiya or home."

"Jiraiya?"

"Yeah, he's here to kill you as far as the manga goes."

"Well first off, home is that way," He turns me so I was facing the right way.

"I knew that."

"Sure."

"and Jiraiya's somewhere in that area." I point.

"Jiraiya it is then,"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jiraiya must feel so dejected right now.

While he's fighting for his life, me and Pein are arguing about the dumbest things.

We both summonded something.

"My bunnies can kick your wolfs ass!" I huff.

"Do you hear yourself right now?" Pein chuckles. "You sound insane."

"Look at my bunnies awesomness!"

"All you did was rip off the wolfs."

"Nu-uh."

"See? Look." He points.

My bunny split into two, three, four, etc.

"Bunnies multiply!"

"Not like that."

"Hell, I didn't even know that they could do that!"

"Riiight."

"Shut up!"

"Nah, I don't think I will."

"Hello! I though we were fighting!" Jiraiya yells up at us.

"Shh! We're having a very important conversation!" I snap.

"About bunnies and wolfs!"

"...No..."

"I'm clumsy." The frog thing comments.

"NO ONE CARES!" I turn and see Pein gone. "He ditched me..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why'd you stop me?" Pein raises his eyebrow.

"Caaaaussse, I like messing up the story line!"

"Hmph."

Hehehe, I didn't let Pein kill Jiraiya.

"Oh, Hey Uke!" Coal waves.

"Omg your heads still bleeding!" Nani frets.

"Hm?" I feel my head. "Oh yeah..."

"You didn't notice!"

"That's Uke for ya, un."


	18. Chunin exams

"Where's..." Sasori looks past me. "Where's Nani?"

"Oh her? She got eaten by some kinda weird bunny!"*

"A... Bunny?"

"Yep."

"And you LEFT her?"

"Yep. She annoys me."

"What's this about leaving Nani?" Pein looks in.

"Um yeah, she got eaten by a rabid bunny," I shrug. "No big, we can get another one... Right?"

Cue glare, "Are you serious?"

I nod and bounce off.

"She can't even keep a person alive, how could she get a pet?"

~~~~~~~~~~

So, I went through a span of weeks going through partners like I do food.

"Uke, your gonna have to go search for your own partner," Pein finally says.

"What? Why!"

"Cause you've lost 20 in one week,"

"It's not my fault they run to slow and/or are traitors!"

"Go look, lazy,"

"I'm not lazy!" I turn on my heel(making sure there was nothing behind or in front of me) and head. "And I shall come back with a partner!

I waLked through the forest for less than 5 minutes, before I found a poster for the Chunin exams.

That's when I realized I'd only reached Genin level(to the villages).

"Well, then. That's just gonna have to change," I pull down the poster and roll it up.

"Who goes there?" Some random woman shouts.

She had a red headband.

For Rain village.

"Oooooh, nice headband." I take a few steps towards her. "Is that custom?"

"Stop that!" She backs up.

I close the gap with a quick leap, "I really like your headband."

"Water Style! Water Bombs!"

Next thing I know, I'm being attacked by water bombs.

I stand and stare at her in shock, "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR!"

She squeals and runs, with me right on her tail

"Yeah you better run bitch!"

I tackle her to the ground and snatch the headband off her head, "Meany..."

I run back home with my new ojects.

For now, the headbands goes on my forehead(a standard ninja thing).

~~~~~~

"Ohhh, Pein!" I enter the room. "I just realized something!"

"That your an idiot?" He jokes.

"No! That I'm still a Genin!" I unroll the poster. "See? Chunin exams are coming up!"

"And?"

"I wanna enter!"

"..." He rolls his eyes. "Take Coal and Scarlet with you,"

"Ok! Thanks!" I hug him, then run to find Coal and Scarlet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"And that's how pumpkins were invented," I say out of nowhere.

"Seriously, Uke?" Coal gives me a WTF look.

"What?"

"Suki! Don't do that!" A childish voice says. "Everyone's gonna be after us now!"

"Heh, sorry," A blonde girl rubs the back of her head.

Hmmm, childish but looks mature.

Potential... Maybe.

People were either staring or glaring at her.

We go into the room to take some form of written test.

"Shit... I'm bad with tests," I mutter.

"Your bad with a lot of things," Coal comments.

"Like?"

"Keeping someone alive, keeping a schedule, exercising, training, winning video games without cheat-"

"Ok ok! I get it, gosh!" I flip her off and sit down.

"You wish you could," She returns the finger teasingly.

"In your dreams!" I pout. "Either way, I'd know you were dreaming about it cause your so LOUD."

"Shut up!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!" Scarlet screeches.

People stare at us unsurely.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STARING AT!" I flip alllllll those people off.

"And now we're a target." Scarlet mutters.

"YOUR MOM!"

"My mom's not a target, she's not in the chunin exams,"

"YO BALD HEADED GRANNY!"

"Now your not even making sense."

"YO COCK-EYED BROTHER!"

"YO SWIRLY-EYED DADDY!"

"YO NASTY-DOIN GRANPA!"

"YO FAT MOMMA!"

"YO MOMMA SO STUPID!" I put my hands on my hips. "SHE PUT A PIECE OF PAPER ON THE TV AND CALLED IT PAPER VIEW!"

"Oh, so your bringing yo mama into this?" Scarlet rolls her eyes.

"Yes I am."

"Well yo Momma so fat, Dora can't explore her!" Scarlet rolls her neck.

"Yo momma so fat..." I tap my chin to think of a comeback.

"Yo momma so fat, when she wear yellow, people shout out Cab!" That Suki girl chimes.

"Yeah! What she said!" I chuckle.

Me and Scarlet burst out in laughter, earning more and more stares.

~~~  
*I'm pretty sure the animal Suki has(or had) is a bunny

Thanks again to Suki for letting me use her OC.


	19. More Chunin examness

I scribble down answers, having NO IDEA what to do.

"Shiiiiit." I grumble.

"Pencils down!" Ibiki announces. "The test is finished!"

"What about the tenth question?" One dude calls out.

Ibiki goes on and on about the dangers of the Chunin exams and all this other shit.

"I dare you to go Naruto on him," Coal whispers.

A few people leave, looking nervous.

"Yeah, well I'm NEVER giving up! I'm gonna be the greatest ninja ever!" No chance of me being Hokage. "Some tiny threats aren't gonna turn me off my goal! So hah! That's MY NINJA WAY!"

Things go silent, but no one leaves.

I smirk in my win and look around smugly.

What's-her-face(that lady that escaped Oro-teme) burst through the window.

I twitch, making note to try that.

~~~~~

We follow Whats-her-face to this big fenced off area.

"Welcome to the forest of doom!" She announces

"DUN DUN DUN!" I add.

"Of Doom! Of D-Doom!" Coal laughs.

The lady gives us a funny look, but continues.

"You'll have to go through hell to get a Heaven scroll and a-"

"Hell scroll?" I interupt.

"No, an Earth scroll."

"Ohhhhh."

She finishes up her intructions and sends us off to the Forest of Doom!

Me, Coal, and Scarlet wander lazily through the forest.

"So then, who should we go after first?" I chime, the only one in the group who wasn't acting serious.

"How bout the first people we see?" Coal rolls her eyes.

"But that's-"

"Yeah, yeah I know... It's boring,"

The second she said that, a group of 6 surronds us.

"Well, Uke." Scarlet stretches. "How bout you take this one?"

"What!"

"You've got a lot of energy,"

Coal and Scarlet poof away, probably to the nearest tree.

They attack at the same time, catching me extremly off gaurd.

Sooo many clones...

I finally focus enough to get the Rinnegan going.

I poof up my specialty path, Nuke.

She's... Wild.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Aw man, you guys suck!" I snap. "You both have Earth scrolls!"

They look down at the ground angrily.

Hmmm, two 17 year olds beaten by one 14 year old... Sad.

I take one of there Earth scrolls and meet up with Coal and Scarlet in a clearing.

"Oh yeah! I'm awesome! I got an Earth scroll!" I cheer. "You guys have to get the Heaven scroll,"

"Good job, Uke!" Scarlet laughs. "You deserve a cookie!"

"Yayz!" I nom on the chocolate chip cookie she brought.

We laugh it up and kick back to get some relaxation time.

~~~~~~~

"Oh shit!" Coal exclaims. "Uke, wake up!"

"Hu...?" I turn over sluggishly.

"Wake up, Uke! We need to get a heaven scroll!"

"Stwop yelwin..." I twitch, annoyed.

"Get up!"

"Um up..." I push myself onto my knees.

"No your not, get up and help find someone with a heaven scroll!" Scarlet snaps.

"Mmmmkay... Um up..." I yawn. "Wet's go."

I wander lazily, following behind Coal and Scarlet.

"Coooowwwwlll... I sleepy," I whine.

"Well duh! Just-Just come on!" Scarlet starts pushing me forward.

"Wh-Whoa! Ok ok!" I stumble forward, quickly as possible.

We finally find a heaven scroll just LAYING ON THE GROUND.

"OMG YESH! FINALLY!" I run at it.

"Uke wait!"

But it was too late, I was caught in a net trap... But at least I had the scroll!

"Haha, caught you!" Some chick laughs.

"Mmm," I shrug and cuddle the scroll.

"At least look worried,"

I roll my eyes and kiss the scroll.

"If your done fucking the scroll, can we go?" Coal huffs, cutting me out the net.

She cut my arm in the process.

"Ow, Coal!" I whine.

"What?"

"You cut my arm..."

"HEY!" The girl snaps. "I'm still here ya know!"

"Shush! This is an A to B conversation. C your way out of it or D will jump over E and F you like a G." I keep walking.

There's suddenly a lot of extra weight on me.

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" I shout at the girl.


	20. Enter Suki

**Meanies! Only one perosn joined the contest? I SEE HOW IT IS! If your gonna do the contest PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PM me!**

* * *

So, we made it to the big tower thingy after some malfunctions on finding a Heaven scroll.

Ironic ain't it?

So here we are, the instructor people in FULL SHOCK.

O.O - There face.

Hahahaahahah, so we claimed our epic new headbands(of which I made some adjusments to after outside the building).

"I think the black looks better than the red." Coal comments.

"Of course_ you _would say that." I tease.

I'd taken the metal part of my Rain headband and put it on my Leaf headband.

* * *

"Uke." Coal sighs.

"Shut up." I growl.

We walk in silence for a few minutes more.

"Uke." Scarlet tries.

"I said_ shut up._" I snap.

Few minutes more and I officialy gave up.

"Uke..." Coal pinches the bridge of her nose.

"Yeah?" I sigh in defeat.

"We're lost, aren't we?"

"Yeah..."

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT 4 HOURS AGO!"

"I thought we were close, ok!"

"SUUUURE IT WAS!"

"WE'RE LOST! UKE ARE YOU INSANE!" Scarletsnaps. "DON'T YOU HAVE A MAP!"

"You know I can't read maps," But I pull one out my pocket anyways. "I think we're in that orange area,"

"Uke, this orange area is _**extremly far **_from the base." Coal sighs.

"How far?" I qiestion.

"Well, the base is in this red-blue part." Coal points.

"Yeah..."

"And we're WAAAY over here at this orange part!"

"Ohhh, my bad." I tap my chin. "Then let's just head back."

"IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE!" The two scream.

"We're in enemy territory! We could get captured!" Coal hisses.

"Oh..." I mutter.

"OH!" The two scream again.

* * *

We sit in a sad excuse of a clearing as the sun starts to set.

"OK, so it's settled! The base is that way!" I point.

"Yeah, sure," Coal rolls her eyes.

"And I never did find partner..."

"THAT"S what your worried about!"

"Uh-huh."

* * *

We make it back home safe... in the morning.

When we walk in, we see that girl, Suki, from the Chunin exams.

It looked like the whole goup was in the middle of a meeting.

"Suki? What're you doing in here!" I exclaim.

"Oh? I'm your new partner!" Suki explains. "And you are?"

"I'm Uke! I own this place and-"

"Just ignore her." Konan interupts.

"Hey!"

**Suki's P.O.V**

When Itachi said my partner was immature, I didn't think he meant she was _fourteen._

"Hey Jessie!" She sings, doing a very odd pose.

A single needle shoots into her hand, and she glares at that boy, Sasori.

"Hey, I couldn't help it." He chuckles.

"What! How dare you!" Uke kicks him in the shin.

"Uke, did you get shorter?" I tease.

"Wha... OMG! SASORI!" Uke says in a more boyish voice. "Oh shit, not again..."

"Hmm, what's the problem?" Sasori questions.

"I'm a boy! Even more this time!"

"How do you know."

"WRONG PARTS!" Uke exclaims, her voice sounding more and more boyish with each word. "FUCK YOU PINOCCHIO!"

Sasori shrugs, "It's all part of your birthday present..."

Uke stops being mad for a moment, "Oh yeah... I almost forgot,"

"You forgot your birthday?" I ask.

"Yeah, kinda. I've been busy."

"With what? Your only 14!"

"Hmm... I'm busy being tested on, eating, sleeping, trainging, finding a partner, doing missions, bugging Leader, singing, dancing, fighting fangirls, et cetera,"

"Wow."

**Uke's P.O.V**

OK, so now it's my birthday.

And guess what Sasori does while I'm asleep?

He straps me to a chair in his laboritory.

"SASORI! GET ME OUTTA HERE!" I scream.

"Hold on, hold on." He mutters. "In a minute."

I glare at him and sit back and wait.

He ushers Pein, Konan, Coal, and Scarlet into the room.

"MMkay, Sasori." Coal yawns. "What's going on?"

"I'm putting Uke back to her original self, so I can start fresh with expirements." Sasori explains.

"Oh great, your erasing everything to start again? You've already done EVERYTHING there is to DO." I huff.

"Not exactly."

"You've done what my world never could've done in LESS THAN 3 DAYS!"

"What?"

"You changed my gender FULLY! My voice, my looks, my additude, and even my _anatomy _without any surgery!"

"Heh, that is pretty cool."

"Ok, but what're those 5 doing in here?"

"There's only 4, Uke." Scarlet points out.

"Don't care, I just wanna go back to sleep."

"I just need help programing so I don't destroy her entire personality." Sasori shrugs.

"Don't say it that way!"

Things go into hushed whispers I couldn't hear, while they hover over the machine.

"Hey, what's this preprogrammed one?"

"A dog."

"Don't press it!" I call out.

After a few more minutes, a high pitched whine fills the room, then an epxlosuon and thennn...

**Coal's P.O.V**

I stare in shock at the Uke in front of us.

"Hi! I'm Uke! Nice to meet you!" Uke waves. "Do I know you?"

We push her back into the chair and add a few more things.

Now she's all silent and just sitting there looking depressed.

"Umm... what else was there?" I mutters.

"How bout the day we met?" Scarlet remembers.

We add that in and we get something CLOSE to Uke.

She was skipping around the room, somehow free of her restraints.

"Uh... hey Uke?" Konan waves.

Uke freezes, and her eyes get as big as dinner plates(those ones at the cheese cake factory).

"MOMMY!" Uke literally tackles Konan to the ground squealing. "I'M A GOOD GIRL AREN'T I! I SAID HI TO MOMMY AND HUGGED HER!"

There's an awkward silence(other than Ukes rambling) before we shove her back into the chair and fret over the device.

"What else is there?" I huff.

"Mmmm... lemme see it." Pein types in a whole lot of stuff in the control panel and presses enter.

After another zappy-thing, Uke's coughing and looking around.

"Oh cool, my hairs back to normal." She comments.

Sasori taps his chin, "Uke, try out your Rinnegan."

"Umm..." Uke tries about 5 times. "FIX IT!"

"Sheesh, ok... um... what might've triggered it?" Sasori asks aloud.

"Maybe... maybe when I dropped her on her head that day..." Pein mutters to himself. "And then lost her in a vat of chocolate..."

"So _that's _why she wouldn't go to the chocolate factory with me!" Scarlet whines.

So we add that stuff in, then Uke comes out back to her normal self(from waaay into chapter one of book one).

"Sasori lemme ouuut! I'm huuungry!" She whines.

**Uke's P.O.V**

So they let me free, and I run for the living room.

Hungry as hell.

The first words said to me are:

"Hey Uke- WOAH! Your boobs are back!" Hidan exclaims.

"Thanks for pointing that out," I roll my eyes, getting some cereal.

"Hmm, they're bigger than I remember..."

"QUIT TALKING ABOUT THEM!" I whine.

He just laughs, but he does leave me alone.

"I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie wooorld!" I sing whilst making my Apple Jacks(and taking the red ones out).

"Shit! I'm lost!" A voice says fom outside.

We all pause to look at the door.

"Who would be out this late?" Itachi asks.

"Me." I raise my hand.

"Uke, put your hand down."

I put my hand down as the door comes crashing in.

Things seem to freeze cause the guy who crashed in CUT THE POWER OFF!

"NNOOOOOOOOO!" Scarlet sings. "MY HIGH SCORE!"

"YAYZ! WE'RE TIED FOR FIRST PLACE!" I call out.

"Now I'm really lost..." The guy mutters. "Ugh, I'm having an Uke moment."

"Hmmm, what's an Uke moment?" I whine.

"Getting lost in the most simplest places."

This gets some laughter from the other members.

Suki brushes past my laughing quietly.

"Who are you and how do you know Uke?" Mitzumi calls out.

"IT'S SO DARK!" I announce as I trip and drop my cereal bowl. "CRAPTASTIC! I DROPPED MY CEREAL!"

There's a annoying laugh from somewere in front of me.

So of course, I punch them.

"What the-" I back up some.

The guy tackles me into the ground just as the lights cut back on.

We wrest;e around on the floor a bit, until I come ontop.

I recognize the face almost immediatly, "Pinned ya again." I taunt.

Suki gives me a weird look, "Again?"

"Uh-huh."

Shen(the guy who crashed in) looks away, annoyed from being pinned yet again.

"I know Shen. Ever since... hm.. how long ago was that? About First grade..." I get off of him and help him out.

"Dude! You got pinned by a girl!" Hidan laughs.

"I didn't get pinned by a girl, I got pinned by an Uke." Shen grumbles.

"What's that spose to mean!" I whine.

"It means what it means." Itachi teases.

I throw my arms up in a "I give up" fashion and go sit down.

Sasori hooks up the TV to me(still sounds weird) while I remeber the day.

_**I skip onto the playground, waay hungry.**_

_**I spot this boy, with- with cookies!**_

_**I run up to him happily, "Cookie?"**_

_**He gives me a weird look, "I'm Shen, not Cookie."**_

_**"Nu-uh," I shake my head no and point. "I wanna cookie!"**_

_**"Who are you anyways?" He hands me a chocolate chip cookie. **_

_**"I'm Uke! I'm beastly and I'm gonna rule the world!"**_

_**"You can't even rule a playground."**_

_**"Psh, I''ll do it one kid at a time." I finished off the last cookie.**_

_**"Suuure."**_

_**"And I'll start with you!"**_

_**I started wrestling around the ground with him, me coming out on top.**_

_**"Pinned ya!" I tease.**_

_**"No fair! I wasn't ready!" Shen blushes.**_

_**I get up, "Are you ready now?"**_

_**"Yeah."**_

_**THUMP!**_

_**"HAHA! PINNED YA AGAIN!" I get up and put my foot on his chest. "I own Shen!"**_

_**"You do not..."**_

_**I stomp on his stomach till he agrees that I own him.**_

_**After THAT'S over, I help him up, then snatch some kids cookie away.**_

_**"Cookie?" I hold out the cookie to him.**_

_**"Yeah, sure..." He takes it.**_

* * *

"Such a vicious Uke, un." Deidara comments.

"That's just plain scary," Zetsu comments. "**Fucking demon child."**

"Damn right!" I cheer.

Shen throws a pillow at me, which I dodge with my ninja reflexes!

"Can't touch this!" I tease. "Dun nu nun nu! na na! nana! can't touch this!"

"Suki thinks that Uke is a bit wrong in the head," Tobi announces.

"Tobi!" Suki whines. "You weren't spose to tell her!"

"But then, that'd make Tobi a bad boy! Cause he'd be lying!"

"I am not wrong in the head!" I protest.

"Yes you are." Pretty much everyone ruins my protest.

"Fine. Be that way."

* * *

**Hmm, there's so much in this chapter! Suki joins the Akatsuki, Uke Coal and Scarlet gets lost, Uke turns back to her original looking self, Shen turns up, and what's he gotta do anything.**

**And he's owned by Uke... =w=**

**Shen: I AM NOT!**

**Uke: You said it yourself.**

**Shen: WE WERE SIX!**

**Uke: Ownage never dies.**

**And all that was in 2,306 words! ...NOt counting this**


	21. Rant time

**ya know what! This story isn't being read as much of the first... Do you want me to put it on the original one? SHould i? I should, shouldn't I? I will.**

* * *

I stand on the kitchen table dressed like Shadow-Man(princess and the frog).

"Aaare you reeeady?" I sing.

"Are you reeaaady?" Scarlet and Coal chime.

"Are you, reaady?"

"Aare you reeeady?"

"Transformation central!"

"Transformation central!"

"Reformation central!"

"Reformation central!"

"Transmogification central!"

"Stop singing that stupid voodoo song!" Akemi snaps.

"I got friends on the other side!" I tease.

"You barely have friends on this side."

"Ha! Psh! PSH! I have TONS of friends!"

"Other than Coal and Scarlet."

"Naruto, Konohamaru, Shen, Deidara, Hidan... um... Ino, Kiba, Hinata... Haku... Kisame, Tobi, and... um... sakura..."

"Sad. Even I have more friends than that." Akemi rolls his eyes.

"That's cause you go to school!"

"Whatever."

Sanji then walks in.

"SANJI! YOU BROKE AKEMI!" I scream. "He's all... SERIOUS."

"Not my fault."

"It so totally your fault!"

"I'm just gonna leave now..."

"God, you just can't hold a conversation with me, can you?" I complain.

He simply rolls his eyes and walks away.

"Uke..." Pein taps on my head. "We're not gonna be able to stay here any longer."

"Wh-What! WHYyyy!" I exclaim.

"Because it's falling apart."

"But i LOVE this place!"

"Apparently."

"He's right Uke. The water isn't even running anymore." Konan chimes.

"Traitor..." I grumble.


End file.
